The dark blue sky was buried behind a gathering of trees, as the cold rain continued to patter across the roof, and slunk down the sides of the slightly smeared windows without a stop to breathe. The cold was forbidden within the heavy heat of the chained fireplace, which slightly smoked the downstairs in humidity. Lukas’s crimson red sweater clashed against the indigo couch. His back was sunken into the fuzz, as his hands gripped the seat. The crimson coat that draped upon him started to build up sweat. Lukas’s sky blue eyes watched the flickering of the flames that crinkled against the coal, but as his vision began to blur, the tears already swelled up to the surface, he instinctively squeezed his eyes shut. Although he was used to sucking in his tears, he was not used to the wool against the fuzzy couch.
This was not normal. The crinkling of the fire was interrupted by a clank of a mug, the bottom hitting against the small wooden table that aligned at Lukas’s knees. The mug looked like it had been molded by unprofessional hands, as bumps and unproportional sides stuck out, painted over with a mauve purple color. Lukas already had an untouched cup of lavender tea sitting idly beside the new mug. He peered upwards to see Mr. Dane slowly inch away from placing the mug on the table. “You did not seem to be too enthralled with the tea,” Mr. Dane mentioned, as his hand motioned to the untouched cup. “I thought you may have wanted to try something else.” He slightly chuckled to himself as twisted his fingers in his hands. He only stood for a moment more, until he slowly walked around the table, and sat at the other end of the couch. The tension that they shared was thicker than the smoke. Lukas folded himself over as he peered inside the mug. The gleam of the crackling fire was the only source of light within the dark room, but it was the shadow of himself that darkened the liquid. It looked like pure black coffee, and he could feel the bitterness stain his teeth before he could even take a sip. Even so, he wriggled his hands out of the long sweater that engulfed him, slowly slid his right hand between the space from the cup and the handle, and lightly pressed his left hand on the opposite side to give the cup some balance. He stared into the pit before he willingly took a small sip. He quickly removed his mouth from the rim, as he clenched his eyes shut and wrinkled up his lip, waiting for the bitterness to strike. However, he suddenly opened his puzzled eyes, and raised his eyebrows in surprise. It was, in fact, not bitter. It was actually… |
ISABEL PAYNE won 1st Place of the Fiction Writing Contest. She is an online university student through Indiana University Online, who is currently majoring in English. She mainly writes stories that revolve around the themes of found family and mental health. She has been writing stories since she was a child, and she hopes to continue to write more stories as she delves deeper into her career as a writer.
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“Excuse me?” Lukas whispered towards Mr. Dane. Lukas was so quiet that the fire could have consumed his words, but Mr. Dane peered up with intent, as if he had been waiting for Lukas to say something, anything. “I … I thought this was coffee, but I do not believe it is?”
“Oh, no it is not coffee.” Mr. Dane slowly responded. “Would you like coffee instead? You just seem a little young to drink coffee?”
Lukas’s eyes opened wide. He felt his bones clench up and the sweater wrap around him tightly.
“No!” Lukas slightly shouted, as he jolted up from his hunched over space. He raised his left hand out towards Mr. Dane, as if he was trying to reach out to him. They were only a few feet apart, but the distance between them felt far and wide.
Mr. Dane slightly jolted backwards, as if Lukas was a force. He had barely heard a word out of this kid, let alone, a yell.
Lukas immediately scrunched up his hand, and recoiled his arm back to his side. His teeth clenched his lip, as his eyes scattered amongst the dim room. He lowered his back into the indent of the couch he had made his own, as he cuffed the warm cup in his dry hands. He peered into the ash brown that slightly rippled of tiny bubbles.
“Well, … I was just wondering,” he muttered, as he watched the bubbles fizzle. “What is this drink?”
Mr. Dane flickered his eyes in disbelief before answering:
“Well…it is hot chocolate,” he calmly answered. “Have you ever had hot chocolate before?”
Lukas’s hands felt around the curves and the bumps of the misshapen mug. It was never meant to be edged and chipped away to any other piece; it was supposed to be unique, and it was supposed to be this way. He looked back down into the slightly fizzy liquid, as it swirled out puffs of steam away from its contained heat in order to free itself from the caved in shell and stew of chocolate.
“I guess I have not. It tastes …” Lukas trailed off, his mind empty of the words he should say.
Mr. Dane tried to fill in the blanks.
“Delicious? Creamy? Scrumptious?” He listed off some words, yet he still looked to the timid boy who eyed his drink.
“I was thinking ‘sweet,’ actually,” Lukas whispered, “but, I like your use of vocabulary.”
“Well, I do try my best,” Mr. Dane chuckled awkwardly to himself as Lukas slightly peered over to him, his grin now a little wider. “Thank you.”
Lukas nodded as he cuffed his lips to the rim, lightly inhaled the chocolate milk, and licked away the stain of fluffy cream upon his lips.
“Do you like it? I was not sure what you wanted…” Mr. Dane dawdled, as he looked over to the fire of the dancing flames. They flickered in and out in spurts. “Hot chocolate always gave me comfort.”
He looked back to Lukas, who was trying to lick away the stickiness of the cream. In his attempts, he looked back over to Mr. Dane.
“Comfort? You seem rather comfortable already,” Lukas started to quip. “Since when do you need to find comfort?”
Lukas noticed Mr. Dane’s eyes shift to the side.
“…Sorry,” Lukas muttered, as he looked back down into the muddy beverage, and slightly scrunched up his arms. “That was a little rude of me.”
“I know that you meant no harm,” Mr. Dane interjected. “I appreciate your consideration.”
Lukas slightly relaxed his body, as his arms fell to the sides of the thick sweater, his clenched eyes and forehead unraveled of thin skin, and he wearily looked to Mr. Dane.
Mr. Dane looked towards Lukas with a smile on his face, while he slightly bit the inside of his lip.
They were silent as they stared at each other. They were waiting for each other to say something; anything.
As Lukas continued to eye him down, he felt the stickiness of the cream sink into his skin due to the heat that swarmed his body. Instinctively, Lukas lightly dabbed away at the cream with the sleeve of his sweater.
“Oh,” Mr. Dane exclaimed, which caused Lukas to stiffen up in his seat. “I did not even think to get you a napkin!”
Mr. Dane hoisted himself from his spot and swiftly walked towards the kitchen, which just so happened to be right behind where they were sitting.
Lukas immediately eyed the now stained sweater sleeve, and quickly yanked it away from his face.
“I am so sorry, I didn't mean to-“
“There is no need for you to apologize, Lukas; it was only an accident.”
Mr. Dane rummaged through the cabinets, as if they were living in a brand new house. However, Lukas was the only one who was new.
“Besides, I have had that sweater for almost twenty years now,” he mentioned, as he slightly swung the cabinet drawers against their walls. “Perhaps I should have gotten rid of it by now?”
Lukas watched as Mr. Dane made his way back into the dim living room, as he lightly placed the pile of scratchy patches of napkins upon the table, scooped up Lukas’s untouched tea, and sat himself back into his spot between their respective spaces. The tea was surely cold, but Lukas did not utter a word in protest.
There were many napkins that sat in front of him, more than needed, but it was better than none at all. Lukas slowly placed the mug onto the table, lightly plucked from the stack and dabbed at his face.
“Twenty years, huh?” Lukas questioned, as he folded up the napkin and placed it next to the mug. He looked down at the sweater he was wearing. For twenty years, it looked untouched and well-kept, almost brand new. “Why have you had this for twenty years?”
Mr. Dane peered upwards, which caused the tea to slightly slosh around in its saucer. Mr. Dane sat there for a moment until he decided to put the cold tea back onto the table, which caused it to slightly drip onto the tiny platter it sat upon.
“The sweater…” he dawdled again, as he pressed his hands onto his knees. “The sweater was a gift I heavily cherished from someone who cared about me ... I guess I just never wanted to forget that.”
Mr. Dane looked to the soft carpet, as his hands clenched tighter onto his dress pants, which caused them to wrinkle from the mere touch of skin.
Lukas was not sure what to say with so much left unanswered, but he slightly nodded and shrugged, as he picked back up his cup of hot chocolate.
“You know, I think I have spoken enough about me,” Mr. Dane awkwardly chuckled again. “Do you want to tell me something about you, Lukas?”
Lukas slightly jolted up, as he almost yanked the nearly still scolding pottery away from his pale face. Lukas’s pupils scattered across the dim room. The maroon red sweater began to cuff at his scaly hands and scrawny neck, as the smoke started to sweep into his glazed over eyes.
“Lukas,” Mr. Dane asked, as he slowly sat up straight. “Are you alright?”
Lukas jittered, as the warm and bumpy pottery started to shake within his cuffed hands. He needed to breathe, but he could not find any air.
“What…” he merely croaked out, as sweat started to bead down his face. “What do you want to know?”
“Well, right now I want to know if you are okay?” Mr. Dane implied rather than asked, as he started to scoot towards Lukas.
Lukas slowly raised the cup back up to his lips, but his mouth kept missing the rim as he could not hold the cup still. He could barely feel the liquid enter his mouth, but he was determined to consume every drop within the cup.
“Lukas, can you look at me, please?” Mr. Dane asked, as he scooted a little closer.
As the cup rattled within Lukas’s hand, some of the liquid sloshed out and around the rim. However, neither of them noticed the light brown milk that dripped to the floor.
“Lukas-” Mr. Dane whispered, as he lifted his hands from his knees.
Lukas squinted his eyes shut, as he waited for the tears to come gushing out.
“Lukas, would you please talk to me-“
The strong grip of Lukas’s hand could have easily broken the mug into shards.
“Luk-“
Mr. Dane’s hand merely grazed Lukas’s thin hand.
“ENOUGH!” Lukas screamed, as he raised himself from the indented couch.
As he raised up his arms, his once strong grasp of the handle slipped between his fingers. Mr. Dane watched as the liquid splattered, as the cup began to fall back towards them. Due to the slick liquid streaks upon the pottery, Mr. Dane fumbled to catch the cup, as it fell side first onto the table, causing some of the bumps of the mug to chip off. The hot chocolate slightly splattered upon them, staining the hand-me-down sweater and Mr. Dane’s nice dress suit. The rest landed upon the floor, which created a noticeable stain. It would take more than one cleaning to get rid of the stain, and there would always be a faded spot with the smell of smokey hot chocolate coming from the carpet.
The two stood, motionless, almost breathless. Lukas eyes darted around the room; the ceiling had small yet noticeable splatter marks, the table was possibly chipped, and he was standing in a puddle of his own mess.
Mr. Dane swiftly turned himself around to Lukas. He looked beyond frazzled, as his hands lightly fidgeted and his mouth gaped open.
“Are you okay?” Mr. Dane exclaimed, as he reached for Lukas’s arm, but immediately stopped himself, and recoiled it back to his side. “Are you burned anywhere?”
Lukas’s eyes widened, as he just stared at Mr. Dane. He slowly unclenched his curled-up fingers.
“I-no,” Lukas admitted. “No, I am not burned. I am okay.”
“Are you sure?” Mr. Dane genuinely questioned as he narrowed his eyes upon the fragile kid.
“Yes,” Lukas vigorously nodded, “I said I was okay.”
“I know what you said,” Mr. Dane reassured Lukas, as he started to tear off his work jacket that was sprinkled with stains, which revealed a white blouse from underneath.
“Lukas, I am sure that this is all very strange to you, and you are probably very uncomfortable about all of this,” Mr. Dane started, as he looked down at the stained carpet, in which Lukas stood in the dead center of. “I just want to help you feel better.”
Lukas clenched his eyes shut, as he tugged at the stained sweater and whispered, “It is too late for that.”
“What is ‘too late’ Lukas?” Mr. Dane asked, as he cuffed his hands.“Nothing is too late.”
“It is too late for me to get better!” Lukas yelled, as he stretched and yanked at the sweater sleeves even tighter. The hot tears began to flow down his face, as they stung his nose and cracked his dry skin. He tried to clench his eyes shut to stop the flow, but the burning tears would not stop. He clamped down on the sleeves, yanked the wool over his head, and let the stained sweater meet the stained carpet.
“Is this what you wanted to see?”
Bruises patched themselves across his legs, unhealed scrapes were slashed across his chest, and burned splotches peeled at parts of his pale skin.
Time felt so slow, almost nonexistent. It felt like everything was over, yet they had barely begun.
Mr. Dane simply got down on his knees to get to the level of the boy. He wished he could hug him tightly enough so that all of his ravaging anger, and all of his tearful fears would vanish. Instead, he started to unbutton his blouse.
Lukas continued to choke up, as the tears continued to rush down. He merely glanced over as Mr. Dane held out his blouse by its collar for Lukas to take. He slowly grabbed the clean silk, roughly threw it around his back, buttoned the bottom few and allowed the sleeves to fall past his hands.
“Lukas, I do not know what exactly happened to you, but,” Mr. Dane stopped, as he bit his lip again. “I… really do know what it is like to feel this kind of pain.”
Lukas narrowed his eyes directly at Mr. Dane, as he knotted his arms on the now slightly crumpled shirt.
“Yeah,” Lukas muttered through his teeth, “that is what they all say!”
Mr. Dane looked to the floor, where he noticed the discarded sweater, and clamped down on the wool that was dotted with hot chocolate.
“This sweater was the first gift I was ever given when I went to live with my uncle.” Mr. Dane smiled, as his eyes seemed to display the memories. “I was living with him because …I, too, had just got out of an abusive household.”
Lukas peered upwards to see Mr. Dane to side-eye the floor; he looked uncomfortable as he gnawed at his lip. Lukas slightly narrowed his eyes to see a healed over stitch on Mr. Dane’s neck.
“Initially, I thought that my uncle took me in out of obligation,” Mr. Dane admitted, as he eyed his sweater. “It took me a while to understand that he just wanted to help me out, and it actually started with this sweater!”
Mr. Dane started to smile, but he quickly shut his eyes and looked right at Lukas.
“He taught me how to heal. He taught me how to properly express my feelings. He showed me all types of opportunities because he wanted to see who I wanted to be.” Mr. Dane shared, as he smiled at Lukas. “If I never had him in my life, I do not know where I would be today…”
Lukas started to nod.
“That bumpy cup you drank out of, that was what I made from a pottery class he took me to.” He motioned to the chipped cup that was left on the table, as Lukas swiftly turned around to the discarded cup.
“My uncle enjoyed painting and pottery, so at first, I just wanted to follow what he did, to feel that if I mimicked him, I would be granted his approval.” Mr. Dane admitted, as he rubbed the side of his neck. “I actually came to love the hobby for myself, where I no longer wanted to seek his approval, because it turns out that I never needed his approval in the first place.”
Lukas continued to stare at the mug. He noticed that some of the bumps were slightly chipped. It was different now. It was ruined, and he felt he was the one that ruined the unique cup of love. He inhaled the thick air to make a quick apology, but he could not get a word out.
“You know, I think the reason I did not get rid of this sweater was because I worried that doing so would mean moving past that part of my life I did not want to lose.” Mr. Dane muttered, as he slightly picked at the sweater that was already starting to dry up with hot chocolate.
Mr. Dane smirked at his own comment. Lukas started to clench his hands through the silk, as he continuously looked back and forth between the sweater and Mr. Dane.
“This sweater was a gift, a thoughtful gift. It helped me start healing from a severe lack of needed love, allowing myself to love myself and to trust that others love me.” Mr. Dane finally looked back up to Lukas with a smile and eyes glazed over with tears.
“That was the reason I gave you this sweater when you came into my home. I wanted to give you that same comfort in the hopes we could connect, but,” he momentarily stopped. “I realize it is going to be different because we are different people, who have gone through different circumstances. We have to find a new way to connect, through both our past experiences, as well as through our new experiences.”
Mr. Dane smiled at Lukas, who only stared in response. “How did you feel about this sweater when I gave it to you?”
Lukas finally flickered his eyes, as he looked down to the scratchy red sweater. It was a nice sweater- it was a nice gift from a seemingly nice person.
“Well, I grew up taking whatever I could get, so I did not hesitate to take your sweater,” Lukas slowly admitted, trying to find the right words to say. “Honestly, I found the sweater quite uncomfortable with how scratchy it felt.”
Mr. Dane simply smiled and nodded, as Lukas squinted his eyes in confusion.
“Are you okay that I do not like your sweater?” Lukas genuinely asked. “All I did was ruin it!”
“You did not ruin it, Lukas. It just changed,” Mr. Dane softly mentioned. “You did not mean to change it, and even if it does not seem like that is okay, that does not mean it is bad either.”
Lukas looked back down at the sweater that Mr. Dane was holding within his hands.
“Are you still talking about the sweater?” Lukas softly asked.
Mr. Dane sighed, as he sat the sweater back on the stained floor. He knew what to say, he knew how it felt, yet it all seemed…raw.
Lukas slightly loosened the grip of his arms and hands, and let them descend to his sides.
“What I am trying to say is that I want to help you however I can, so that you can learn to help yourself. I want to introduce you to new experiences, and I want you to be curious to try new things. I want to help you think through your past and express through your emotions, so that you can talk about what has happened to you. I want to help you to trust others, so that you can learn to trust yourself.”
Mr. Dane rattled off as he continued to look at Lukas. There was still so much to discuss, but for the moment, it was enough.
Lukas slowly looked back up, as he brought his hand to his face. He felt his tears that were stained against his dry and scratched face. They were his tears. They were his feelings.
“Okay, then,” Lukas started, “can I be honest with you?”
“Of course.”
Lukas scrunched up his lip, and twisted his fingers. He would give this another try.
“I…” he started, expecting himself to admit the pain that still burned, to cry out the memories he wished he could just forget, and to scream about the man he had to consider as his father. One day, someday, but not tonight, not while wearing a half-buttoned shirt and on an empty stomach. He was not ready no matter how much he wanted to get it over with.
“I do not think I can drink hot chocolate for a while. I mentioned that it looked like coffee, which is what my…father drank often,” Lukas twisted his finger together and looked to his side. “I almost felt like him when I made this mess, and I just do not think I can drink that.”
Lukas untwisted his fingers and forced himself to look up to Mr. Dane. He was expecting Mr. Dane to just stare or roll his eyes, but instead, he simply nodded.
“I’m really proud of you.” Mr. Dane smiled. “I hope you know that.”
“Of what?” Lukas narrowed his eyes and raised his eyebrows in genuine confusion.
“For so long, you had to act complacent in order to not face any sort of abuse,” Mr. Dane mentioned, “but now, you can find individuality within yourself, even within small realizations of admitting that you do not like a certain drink.”
Mr. Dane lifted himself from his hunched over knees and held out his hand for Lukas to grab.
“Would you like to find something that you want to wear?”
Lukas looked at Mr. Dane’s hand, and looked back up to the smiling man. He did not really understand what was going to happen, but he was willing to try.
Lukas snickered, “Do you have anything green?”
He grasped onto Mr. Dane’s soft hand, and rose from the spilled carpet. Lukas looked over to the stained table of aggravation and hot chocolate; two very different things yet intercepted into one. Lukas slowly slipped out of Mr. Dane’s hand, bent himself over, snatched one of the many napkins toppled over one another, and rubbed them vigorously over the table. He swiped the table clear of liquid, continuously going over the spotless table with a rough napkin, as he was not walking away until the table looked decent; not perfect, not the same, but good enough for now.
He wadded up the dirty napkins, noticed the trash bin separating the kitchen and dim living room, and took a rim shot, bouncing the wadd against the rim into the bucket. He wiped his hands on the side of his pants and looked up to Mr. Dane.
“Good aim. Do you like basketball?” Mr. Dane asked as he looped his fingers into the belt loops of his nice pants.
“I mean..it was all that was on when my dad-“ Lukas stopped himself again; he did not want to keep saying that word! “It was all that he watched. Maybe I just wanted his approval, but it always looked interesting. You?”
“I played a little when I was around your age,” Mr. Dane shrugged. “You know, I can take you to the town’s sports facility tomorrow; you can check out some sports teams to sign up for.”
Lukas nodded, as Mr. Dane swiftly turned around and walked down the narrow hallway that separated the kitchen and the dim living room. Lukas stood there for a moment until he decided to follow.
They quickly came to a room at the end of the hallway, where Mr. Dane flickered on the bedroom light. Mr. Dane went to the right, where he slid open a wooden closet that bestowed all sorts of shirts, pants, skirts, dresses, and suits. The top of the closet displayed ball caps, bows, and clip-on pins. The bottom of the closet displayed all types of tennis shoes of black and white to multicolor tie dye prints.
As Mr. Dane shoved through the shirt selections, Lukas peered over to the left of the bedroom that displayed bookshelves of items: comic books, movie discs, art supplies, coloring books, toy cars, stuffed animals, a ping pong set, a microscope, and that was just the first row! Just as he started to take it all in, he looked to the bottom row, where he saw a rectangle wrapped package, fully covered in blue wrapping paper. He slowly bent down and cuffed the box, which crinkled upon touch. Although he did not know what the package contained, nor who it was for, he pulled the box completely out from the shelf. He slowly rose back up, and turned to see that Mr. Dane had pulled out at least seven different green shirts. He seemed to be examining them, when Lukas noticed that one of the green shirts had a large purple chameleon and a small yellow chameleon on it.
“I like that one!” Lukas cheerfully exclaimed, as he pointed towards the shirt and cradled the wrapped package in his other arm. Mr. Dane flicked his head to Lukas, where he followed his point to the chameleon shirt.
“Ah, what a good choice,” Mr. Dane mentioned, as he flickered through the rest of the green shirts, and hooked them back into the small wooden closet. He wrestled the little shirt off the plastic hanger, and held it out for Lukas to have. Lukas placed the package on the floor, jostled off the blouse, and they swapped respected shirts.
“So,” Mr. Dane started, as he buttoned his shirt from top to bottom and readjusted his sleeves. “What did you find in that package of yours?”
Lukas wrestled the shirt over his head, and flattened it out. He bent over and eyed the wrapping of the paper.
“You mean,” Lukas started to piece it together, “this present is for me?”
“Well, this is your room now,” Mr. Dane merely shrugged with a smile on his face, “so everything in here is yours!”
Lukas looked down at the packaged gift. This was his, something completely brand new. He slowly clamped down on the wrapping paper, shifted his fingers between the tape, as the wrapping unfolded itself to reveal a box that imprinted an image of a telescope. Lukas picked up the box gently, as he eyed the advertised image on display.
“You bought this for me?” Lukas asked, as his voice slightly cracked.
“I do not know if you want it, or if you even care about astrology, but I thought-“
“Thank you, Mr. Dane!” Lukas happily interjected. Mr. Dane looked at the boy; he was smiling, genuinely smiling. “I can not wait to use this!”
Mr. Dane smiled as the boy fell to the floor to examine the box. He flipped off the tabs of the box that opened to the parts contained within separate sections of the box, along with the instructions on top. Lukas started to take out the parts, some of which was covered in plastic, while Mr. Dane got on the floor and flipped through the thick instruction booklet.
Only a short time seemed to have passed until Mr. Dane just so happened to peer up to see through the bedroom window, where his mouth gaped open to see sprockets of lights shoot across the sky.
“Lukas,” Mr. Dane whispered, as the boy was entranced with the parts, but he looked up to Mr. Dane’s star-struck expression. “Look out the window!”
Lukas slowly turned around to see the flashing lights of the sky. Mr. Dane smiled as he saw Lukas’s eyes sparkle and mouth gape open as well.
Lukas sprung upwards, shot out of the room, raced towards the door, stepped into the dew grass and lifted his head to the sprinkling rain and glimmering lights. He felt the droplets of rain splash upon his dirty blonde hair, his dry cracked face, his thin shirt, and his bare feet. Mr. Dane came rushing behind him.
“Lukas, I do not want you to run in the house, you could trip and fall or run into-“ he stopped as felt the sprinkles of rain fall upon him. He looked up to see the sparkles upon the cornflower blue sky. He slowly walked over to Lukas while watching the sky.
“It is so..” Mr. Dane started, trying to find the right words for the indescribable masterpiece.
“Beautiful? Mesmerizing? Enthralling?” Lukas listed off some words, as he smirked and side eyed Mr. Dane.
“I was going for ‘enchanting,” Mr. Dane mentioned as he continued to watch the sky. “Although, you do have a good choice in words.”
They both looked away from the sky and to each other, and busted into laughter. Just as they were taking in the moments, a crash of thunder banged within the sky that shook the trees and a spiral of rain tumbled down upon them.
Lukas froze, almost feeling the need to scream. He covered his ears on instinct, as he could hear the pounding and booming yell of his memories. As their clothes became damp within moments, Mr. Dane instinctively grabbed Lukas’s arm, bolted towards the door and their soaked clothes made another stain upon the floor. Lukas did not even notice that Mr. Dane was holding his arm until he apologized, and went off to grab a set of towels and another set of clothes.
Lukas sat in front of the fireplace as he dried off. He had picked out a t-shirt with blue birds on them, and a pair of black sweatpants, while huddled within a fluffy velvet red blanket.
He also grabbed the telescope box and continued to examine the pieces, while also checking over the small print of the instructions. He was not really sure of what he was doing, let alone what any of it meant, so he had only got as far as removing the items out of the plastic container and some from the plastic wrap. As he continued to examine the small font, a shadow casted from the right of him. He spun around to see Mr. Dane in a magenta robe, who was holding two bowls.
“Is this seat taken?” Mr. Dane asked. Lukas put down the instructions and scooched to his left, as Mr. Dane slowly started to crouch down beside him. Lukas took hold of the warm bowl that Mr. Dane held in his left hand. He peered in to see brick red juice with bumpy clumps of beef, sprinkled on top with shredded bits of string cheese and crumpled cracker bits.
“A rainy night, a dancing fire, with a star show; there is not a better night for chili!” He mentioned to himself, as he stirred his spoon around, scooped up a clump of beef, and inhaled within a gulp. He peered over to Lukas. “Have you ever had chili before?”
Lukas took hold of his spoon, scooped up a small piece of meat that was layered with cheese and crackers, and took a bite. The spice hit his tongue, but the little bits of cheese and crunchiness of the saltine crackers gave it all its own taste.
“Now I have,” he chuckled, as he swallowed the goodness. “It’s tasty!”
Mr. Dane put his bowl down by the end of his intertwined legs, and reached over to the instructions sitting open.
“So, how is this process going?” Mr. Dane asked as he skimmed the tiny lettering, and held the large paper with his right hand. Lukas put his bowl down next to Mr. Dane’s, and reached his left hand out to hold the other side of the instructions up. He peered over to the laid out parts.
“Is it obvious?” Lukas muttered with a grin.
“Would you like me to help you figure out how to put it together?” Mr. Dane asked, as he looked back at Lukas.
“Sure, that is nice of you to offer,” Lukas grinned, as he looked toward the fluttering flames. “Although, can we start on it later, maybe tomorrow?”
“We can wait if that is what you want,” Mr. Dane shrugged, as he looked back at the flames. “Do you still want to go to the sports facility tomorrow?”
“If that is what you want to do,” Lukas answered, as slightly scrunched up his lip. “Although, I was thinking you could show me the pottery place you went to with your uncle?”
Mr. Dane's eyes fluttered open in surprise. “You want to take pottery?”
Lukas slowly looked back up to Mr. Dane. “I am really sorry for chipping your cup,” he trailed off, as he bit his lip. “It sounds like an interesting experience, and after everything you did for me, I owe you that much.”
“Lukas, that is very kind of you, but you do not need to do that for me if you do not want to; you do not owe me anything! It is like I said-“
“I know what you said,” Lukas interjected, realizing he was using Mr. Dane’s own words, “but that was your mug. I can not replicate it, but I can make the mug my own out of my own work, and in the end, you will always have another mug.”
They gave each other a tired smile, and they both looked back to the flames. They sat in silence as the crackling of the flames filled in the silence.
“I am sorry for how I acted.” Lukas admitted, as he bit down on his lip and clenched his eyes shut. Mr. Dane looked down at him. “I am sorry that I yelled, and that I made a mess of your living room.”
Mr. Dane peered back down to Lukas, who was still watching the flames.
“I do not want to be like my father-” he stopped once again, unable to escape the meaningless word. “I do not want to yell to get my way or hurt anybody the way he hurt me!”
Mr. Dane repositioned himself, as he noticed Lukas’s eyes glazed over in tears.
“You are not your father, Lukas,” Mr. Dane started, as he looked down to the tired kid. “You are your own person with your own emotions, you just have to let yourself figure out who you want to be.”
Lukas felt his tears fall once again, as he just stared at Mr. Dane. The flames flashed to reveal a healed over scratch on Mr. Dane’s cheek. Lukas closed his eyes, and exhaled.
“Thank you for listening to me,” Lukas mentioned, as he watched the flames.
“Of course, Lukas. I will always be here to listen.” Mr. Dane watched the flickering of the flames, and then looked back down at the kid. “Is there something you want to tell me right now?”
Lukas looked back up to him. He could feel the thick blanket press against the heavy robe.
He wanted to be ready, he wanted to move on, he wanted to cry out all of his tears of pain, but he knew it would take longer than a day. It would take longer than a week, a month, maybe even a year. Maybe it really could get easier, maybe he would learn not to be ashamed of the scars, and maybe, he could make it through just as he had already done. One day, someday, but, he was going to allow it to come naturally.
He started to lay into Mr. Dane’s robe.
“You know, right now,” Lukas started, as the flames glowed upon them, “I think I just want to stay right here, with you.”
“Lukas?” Mr. Dane's voice slightly cracked, almost as if he was on the verge of tears. Lukas peered upwards. “Would you like a hug?”
Lukas blinked only for a moment, but smiled and nodded his head.
Mr. Dane slowly removed his clenched left arm from between them, and lightly wrapped it around Lukas.
They sat there, as the rain pattered against the windows, and as the heat began to grow thicker underneath the fluff.
Lukas started to blink in and out of consciousness, as the long night started to bring out well-needed rest. However, right before he drifted off, he looked into the flames. He noticed something: the flames were no longer dancing about, not flickering in and out in spurts, and rather, they were condensed into one flame; still separate entities yet stronger together.
“Mr. Dane?” Lukas whispered, as he had slowly sunk into the plush that surrounded him. Mr. Dane shifted in his position as his shadow continued to cast over Lukas.
“Thank you, dad,” Lukas yawned, as he slowly started to shut his eyes, but immediately flinched them open and jolted upwards. He looked to see Mr. Dane, who was flickering between a grin and a straight face.
“I-I uh, I meant-“ Lukas sputtered, trying to find the right words to say, as he tugged at his thick blanket of comfort that now felt slightly suffocating.
He meant it, well, he really wanted to mean it. Maybe it was too early to say it, but it just happened. He could not think of anything better to say. He did not have to, though.
Mr. Dane chuckled as he slightly wiped away at his eyes. He put his soft hand back on Lukas’s shoulder.
“Whenever you are ready, kid,” he whispered with a nod.
Lukas unraveled his clenched hands from the blanket, and felt his muscles slowly descend within his body. He nodded and slowly smiled.
He was not used to this, but maybe he could be. Maybe he would not have to adapt, and rather, maybe he would learn to love this for what it is.
Maybe this could be normal
“Oh, no it is not coffee.” Mr. Dane slowly responded. “Would you like coffee instead? You just seem a little young to drink coffee?”
Lukas’s eyes opened wide. He felt his bones clench up and the sweater wrap around him tightly.
“No!” Lukas slightly shouted, as he jolted up from his hunched over space. He raised his left hand out towards Mr. Dane, as if he was trying to reach out to him. They were only a few feet apart, but the distance between them felt far and wide.
Mr. Dane slightly jolted backwards, as if Lukas was a force. He had barely heard a word out of this kid, let alone, a yell.
Lukas immediately scrunched up his hand, and recoiled his arm back to his side. His teeth clenched his lip, as his eyes scattered amongst the dim room. He lowered his back into the indent of the couch he had made his own, as he cuffed the warm cup in his dry hands. He peered into the ash brown that slightly rippled of tiny bubbles.
“Well, … I was just wondering,” he muttered, as he watched the bubbles fizzle. “What is this drink?”
Mr. Dane flickered his eyes in disbelief before answering:
“Well…it is hot chocolate,” he calmly answered. “Have you ever had hot chocolate before?”
Lukas’s hands felt around the curves and the bumps of the misshapen mug. It was never meant to be edged and chipped away to any other piece; it was supposed to be unique, and it was supposed to be this way. He looked back down into the slightly fizzy liquid, as it swirled out puffs of steam away from its contained heat in order to free itself from the caved in shell and stew of chocolate.
“I guess I have not. It tastes …” Lukas trailed off, his mind empty of the words he should say.
Mr. Dane tried to fill in the blanks.
“Delicious? Creamy? Scrumptious?” He listed off some words, yet he still looked to the timid boy who eyed his drink.
“I was thinking ‘sweet,’ actually,” Lukas whispered, “but, I like your use of vocabulary.”
“Well, I do try my best,” Mr. Dane chuckled awkwardly to himself as Lukas slightly peered over to him, his grin now a little wider. “Thank you.”
Lukas nodded as he cuffed his lips to the rim, lightly inhaled the chocolate milk, and licked away the stain of fluffy cream upon his lips.
“Do you like it? I was not sure what you wanted…” Mr. Dane dawdled, as he looked over to the fire of the dancing flames. They flickered in and out in spurts. “Hot chocolate always gave me comfort.”
He looked back to Lukas, who was trying to lick away the stickiness of the cream. In his attempts, he looked back over to Mr. Dane.
“Comfort? You seem rather comfortable already,” Lukas started to quip. “Since when do you need to find comfort?”
Lukas noticed Mr. Dane’s eyes shift to the side.
“…Sorry,” Lukas muttered, as he looked back down into the muddy beverage, and slightly scrunched up his arms. “That was a little rude of me.”
“I know that you meant no harm,” Mr. Dane interjected. “I appreciate your consideration.”
Lukas slightly relaxed his body, as his arms fell to the sides of the thick sweater, his clenched eyes and forehead unraveled of thin skin, and he wearily looked to Mr. Dane.
Mr. Dane looked towards Lukas with a smile on his face, while he slightly bit the inside of his lip.
They were silent as they stared at each other. They were waiting for each other to say something; anything.
As Lukas continued to eye him down, he felt the stickiness of the cream sink into his skin due to the heat that swarmed his body. Instinctively, Lukas lightly dabbed away at the cream with the sleeve of his sweater.
“Oh,” Mr. Dane exclaimed, which caused Lukas to stiffen up in his seat. “I did not even think to get you a napkin!”
Mr. Dane hoisted himself from his spot and swiftly walked towards the kitchen, which just so happened to be right behind where they were sitting.
Lukas immediately eyed the now stained sweater sleeve, and quickly yanked it away from his face.
“I am so sorry, I didn't mean to-“
“There is no need for you to apologize, Lukas; it was only an accident.”
Mr. Dane rummaged through the cabinets, as if they were living in a brand new house. However, Lukas was the only one who was new.
“Besides, I have had that sweater for almost twenty years now,” he mentioned, as he slightly swung the cabinet drawers against their walls. “Perhaps I should have gotten rid of it by now?”
Lukas watched as Mr. Dane made his way back into the dim living room, as he lightly placed the pile of scratchy patches of napkins upon the table, scooped up Lukas’s untouched tea, and sat himself back into his spot between their respective spaces. The tea was surely cold, but Lukas did not utter a word in protest.
There were many napkins that sat in front of him, more than needed, but it was better than none at all. Lukas slowly placed the mug onto the table, lightly plucked from the stack and dabbed at his face.
“Twenty years, huh?” Lukas questioned, as he folded up the napkin and placed it next to the mug. He looked down at the sweater he was wearing. For twenty years, it looked untouched and well-kept, almost brand new. “Why have you had this for twenty years?”
Mr. Dane peered upwards, which caused the tea to slightly slosh around in its saucer. Mr. Dane sat there for a moment until he decided to put the cold tea back onto the table, which caused it to slightly drip onto the tiny platter it sat upon.
“The sweater…” he dawdled again, as he pressed his hands onto his knees. “The sweater was a gift I heavily cherished from someone who cared about me ... I guess I just never wanted to forget that.”
Mr. Dane looked to the soft carpet, as his hands clenched tighter onto his dress pants, which caused them to wrinkle from the mere touch of skin.
Lukas was not sure what to say with so much left unanswered, but he slightly nodded and shrugged, as he picked back up his cup of hot chocolate.
“You know, I think I have spoken enough about me,” Mr. Dane awkwardly chuckled again. “Do you want to tell me something about you, Lukas?”
Lukas slightly jolted up, as he almost yanked the nearly still scolding pottery away from his pale face. Lukas’s pupils scattered across the dim room. The maroon red sweater began to cuff at his scaly hands and scrawny neck, as the smoke started to sweep into his glazed over eyes.
“Lukas,” Mr. Dane asked, as he slowly sat up straight. “Are you alright?”
Lukas jittered, as the warm and bumpy pottery started to shake within his cuffed hands. He needed to breathe, but he could not find any air.
“What…” he merely croaked out, as sweat started to bead down his face. “What do you want to know?”
“Well, right now I want to know if you are okay?” Mr. Dane implied rather than asked, as he started to scoot towards Lukas.
Lukas slowly raised the cup back up to his lips, but his mouth kept missing the rim as he could not hold the cup still. He could barely feel the liquid enter his mouth, but he was determined to consume every drop within the cup.
“Lukas, can you look at me, please?” Mr. Dane asked, as he scooted a little closer.
As the cup rattled within Lukas’s hand, some of the liquid sloshed out and around the rim. However, neither of them noticed the light brown milk that dripped to the floor.
“Lukas-” Mr. Dane whispered, as he lifted his hands from his knees.
Lukas squinted his eyes shut, as he waited for the tears to come gushing out.
“Lukas, would you please talk to me-“
The strong grip of Lukas’s hand could have easily broken the mug into shards.
“Luk-“
Mr. Dane’s hand merely grazed Lukas’s thin hand.
“ENOUGH!” Lukas screamed, as he raised himself from the indented couch.
As he raised up his arms, his once strong grasp of the handle slipped between his fingers. Mr. Dane watched as the liquid splattered, as the cup began to fall back towards them. Due to the slick liquid streaks upon the pottery, Mr. Dane fumbled to catch the cup, as it fell side first onto the table, causing some of the bumps of the mug to chip off. The hot chocolate slightly splattered upon them, staining the hand-me-down sweater and Mr. Dane’s nice dress suit. The rest landed upon the floor, which created a noticeable stain. It would take more than one cleaning to get rid of the stain, and there would always be a faded spot with the smell of smokey hot chocolate coming from the carpet.
The two stood, motionless, almost breathless. Lukas eyes darted around the room; the ceiling had small yet noticeable splatter marks, the table was possibly chipped, and he was standing in a puddle of his own mess.
Mr. Dane swiftly turned himself around to Lukas. He looked beyond frazzled, as his hands lightly fidgeted and his mouth gaped open.
“Are you okay?” Mr. Dane exclaimed, as he reached for Lukas’s arm, but immediately stopped himself, and recoiled it back to his side. “Are you burned anywhere?”
Lukas’s eyes widened, as he just stared at Mr. Dane. He slowly unclenched his curled-up fingers.
“I-no,” Lukas admitted. “No, I am not burned. I am okay.”
“Are you sure?” Mr. Dane genuinely questioned as he narrowed his eyes upon the fragile kid.
“Yes,” Lukas vigorously nodded, “I said I was okay.”
“I know what you said,” Mr. Dane reassured Lukas, as he started to tear off his work jacket that was sprinkled with stains, which revealed a white blouse from underneath.
“Lukas, I am sure that this is all very strange to you, and you are probably very uncomfortable about all of this,” Mr. Dane started, as he looked down at the stained carpet, in which Lukas stood in the dead center of. “I just want to help you feel better.”
Lukas clenched his eyes shut, as he tugged at the stained sweater and whispered, “It is too late for that.”
“What is ‘too late’ Lukas?” Mr. Dane asked, as he cuffed his hands.“Nothing is too late.”
“It is too late for me to get better!” Lukas yelled, as he stretched and yanked at the sweater sleeves even tighter. The hot tears began to flow down his face, as they stung his nose and cracked his dry skin. He tried to clench his eyes shut to stop the flow, but the burning tears would not stop. He clamped down on the sleeves, yanked the wool over his head, and let the stained sweater meet the stained carpet.
“Is this what you wanted to see?”
Bruises patched themselves across his legs, unhealed scrapes were slashed across his chest, and burned splotches peeled at parts of his pale skin.
Time felt so slow, almost nonexistent. It felt like everything was over, yet they had barely begun.
Mr. Dane simply got down on his knees to get to the level of the boy. He wished he could hug him tightly enough so that all of his ravaging anger, and all of his tearful fears would vanish. Instead, he started to unbutton his blouse.
Lukas continued to choke up, as the tears continued to rush down. He merely glanced over as Mr. Dane held out his blouse by its collar for Lukas to take. He slowly grabbed the clean silk, roughly threw it around his back, buttoned the bottom few and allowed the sleeves to fall past his hands.
“Lukas, I do not know what exactly happened to you, but,” Mr. Dane stopped, as he bit his lip again. “I… really do know what it is like to feel this kind of pain.”
Lukas narrowed his eyes directly at Mr. Dane, as he knotted his arms on the now slightly crumpled shirt.
“Yeah,” Lukas muttered through his teeth, “that is what they all say!”
Mr. Dane looked to the floor, where he noticed the discarded sweater, and clamped down on the wool that was dotted with hot chocolate.
“This sweater was the first gift I was ever given when I went to live with my uncle.” Mr. Dane smiled, as his eyes seemed to display the memories. “I was living with him because …I, too, had just got out of an abusive household.”
Lukas peered upwards to see Mr. Dane to side-eye the floor; he looked uncomfortable as he gnawed at his lip. Lukas slightly narrowed his eyes to see a healed over stitch on Mr. Dane’s neck.
“Initially, I thought that my uncle took me in out of obligation,” Mr. Dane admitted, as he eyed his sweater. “It took me a while to understand that he just wanted to help me out, and it actually started with this sweater!”
Mr. Dane started to smile, but he quickly shut his eyes and looked right at Lukas.
“He taught me how to heal. He taught me how to properly express my feelings. He showed me all types of opportunities because he wanted to see who I wanted to be.” Mr. Dane shared, as he smiled at Lukas. “If I never had him in my life, I do not know where I would be today…”
Lukas started to nod.
“That bumpy cup you drank out of, that was what I made from a pottery class he took me to.” He motioned to the chipped cup that was left on the table, as Lukas swiftly turned around to the discarded cup.
“My uncle enjoyed painting and pottery, so at first, I just wanted to follow what he did, to feel that if I mimicked him, I would be granted his approval.” Mr. Dane admitted, as he rubbed the side of his neck. “I actually came to love the hobby for myself, where I no longer wanted to seek his approval, because it turns out that I never needed his approval in the first place.”
Lukas continued to stare at the mug. He noticed that some of the bumps were slightly chipped. It was different now. It was ruined, and he felt he was the one that ruined the unique cup of love. He inhaled the thick air to make a quick apology, but he could not get a word out.
“You know, I think the reason I did not get rid of this sweater was because I worried that doing so would mean moving past that part of my life I did not want to lose.” Mr. Dane muttered, as he slightly picked at the sweater that was already starting to dry up with hot chocolate.
Mr. Dane smirked at his own comment. Lukas started to clench his hands through the silk, as he continuously looked back and forth between the sweater and Mr. Dane.
“This sweater was a gift, a thoughtful gift. It helped me start healing from a severe lack of needed love, allowing myself to love myself and to trust that others love me.” Mr. Dane finally looked back up to Lukas with a smile and eyes glazed over with tears.
“That was the reason I gave you this sweater when you came into my home. I wanted to give you that same comfort in the hopes we could connect, but,” he momentarily stopped. “I realize it is going to be different because we are different people, who have gone through different circumstances. We have to find a new way to connect, through both our past experiences, as well as through our new experiences.”
Mr. Dane smiled at Lukas, who only stared in response. “How did you feel about this sweater when I gave it to you?”
Lukas finally flickered his eyes, as he looked down to the scratchy red sweater. It was a nice sweater- it was a nice gift from a seemingly nice person.
“Well, I grew up taking whatever I could get, so I did not hesitate to take your sweater,” Lukas slowly admitted, trying to find the right words to say. “Honestly, I found the sweater quite uncomfortable with how scratchy it felt.”
Mr. Dane simply smiled and nodded, as Lukas squinted his eyes in confusion.
“Are you okay that I do not like your sweater?” Lukas genuinely asked. “All I did was ruin it!”
“You did not ruin it, Lukas. It just changed,” Mr. Dane softly mentioned. “You did not mean to change it, and even if it does not seem like that is okay, that does not mean it is bad either.”
Lukas looked back down at the sweater that Mr. Dane was holding within his hands.
“Are you still talking about the sweater?” Lukas softly asked.
Mr. Dane sighed, as he sat the sweater back on the stained floor. He knew what to say, he knew how it felt, yet it all seemed…raw.
Lukas slightly loosened the grip of his arms and hands, and let them descend to his sides.
“What I am trying to say is that I want to help you however I can, so that you can learn to help yourself. I want to introduce you to new experiences, and I want you to be curious to try new things. I want to help you think through your past and express through your emotions, so that you can talk about what has happened to you. I want to help you to trust others, so that you can learn to trust yourself.”
Mr. Dane rattled off as he continued to look at Lukas. There was still so much to discuss, but for the moment, it was enough.
Lukas slowly looked back up, as he brought his hand to his face. He felt his tears that were stained against his dry and scratched face. They were his tears. They were his feelings.
“Okay, then,” Lukas started, “can I be honest with you?”
“Of course.”
Lukas scrunched up his lip, and twisted his fingers. He would give this another try.
“I…” he started, expecting himself to admit the pain that still burned, to cry out the memories he wished he could just forget, and to scream about the man he had to consider as his father. One day, someday, but not tonight, not while wearing a half-buttoned shirt and on an empty stomach. He was not ready no matter how much he wanted to get it over with.
“I do not think I can drink hot chocolate for a while. I mentioned that it looked like coffee, which is what my…father drank often,” Lukas twisted his finger together and looked to his side. “I almost felt like him when I made this mess, and I just do not think I can drink that.”
Lukas untwisted his fingers and forced himself to look up to Mr. Dane. He was expecting Mr. Dane to just stare or roll his eyes, but instead, he simply nodded.
“I’m really proud of you.” Mr. Dane smiled. “I hope you know that.”
“Of what?” Lukas narrowed his eyes and raised his eyebrows in genuine confusion.
“For so long, you had to act complacent in order to not face any sort of abuse,” Mr. Dane mentioned, “but now, you can find individuality within yourself, even within small realizations of admitting that you do not like a certain drink.”
Mr. Dane lifted himself from his hunched over knees and held out his hand for Lukas to grab.
“Would you like to find something that you want to wear?”
Lukas looked at Mr. Dane’s hand, and looked back up to the smiling man. He did not really understand what was going to happen, but he was willing to try.
Lukas snickered, “Do you have anything green?”
He grasped onto Mr. Dane’s soft hand, and rose from the spilled carpet. Lukas looked over to the stained table of aggravation and hot chocolate; two very different things yet intercepted into one. Lukas slowly slipped out of Mr. Dane’s hand, bent himself over, snatched one of the many napkins toppled over one another, and rubbed them vigorously over the table. He swiped the table clear of liquid, continuously going over the spotless table with a rough napkin, as he was not walking away until the table looked decent; not perfect, not the same, but good enough for now.
He wadded up the dirty napkins, noticed the trash bin separating the kitchen and dim living room, and took a rim shot, bouncing the wadd against the rim into the bucket. He wiped his hands on the side of his pants and looked up to Mr. Dane.
“Good aim. Do you like basketball?” Mr. Dane asked as he looped his fingers into the belt loops of his nice pants.
“I mean..it was all that was on when my dad-“ Lukas stopped himself again; he did not want to keep saying that word! “It was all that he watched. Maybe I just wanted his approval, but it always looked interesting. You?”
“I played a little when I was around your age,” Mr. Dane shrugged. “You know, I can take you to the town’s sports facility tomorrow; you can check out some sports teams to sign up for.”
Lukas nodded, as Mr. Dane swiftly turned around and walked down the narrow hallway that separated the kitchen and the dim living room. Lukas stood there for a moment until he decided to follow.
They quickly came to a room at the end of the hallway, where Mr. Dane flickered on the bedroom light. Mr. Dane went to the right, where he slid open a wooden closet that bestowed all sorts of shirts, pants, skirts, dresses, and suits. The top of the closet displayed ball caps, bows, and clip-on pins. The bottom of the closet displayed all types of tennis shoes of black and white to multicolor tie dye prints.
As Mr. Dane shoved through the shirt selections, Lukas peered over to the left of the bedroom that displayed bookshelves of items: comic books, movie discs, art supplies, coloring books, toy cars, stuffed animals, a ping pong set, a microscope, and that was just the first row! Just as he started to take it all in, he looked to the bottom row, where he saw a rectangle wrapped package, fully covered in blue wrapping paper. He slowly bent down and cuffed the box, which crinkled upon touch. Although he did not know what the package contained, nor who it was for, he pulled the box completely out from the shelf. He slowly rose back up, and turned to see that Mr. Dane had pulled out at least seven different green shirts. He seemed to be examining them, when Lukas noticed that one of the green shirts had a large purple chameleon and a small yellow chameleon on it.
“I like that one!” Lukas cheerfully exclaimed, as he pointed towards the shirt and cradled the wrapped package in his other arm. Mr. Dane flicked his head to Lukas, where he followed his point to the chameleon shirt.
“Ah, what a good choice,” Mr. Dane mentioned, as he flickered through the rest of the green shirts, and hooked them back into the small wooden closet. He wrestled the little shirt off the plastic hanger, and held it out for Lukas to have. Lukas placed the package on the floor, jostled off the blouse, and they swapped respected shirts.
“So,” Mr. Dane started, as he buttoned his shirt from top to bottom and readjusted his sleeves. “What did you find in that package of yours?”
Lukas wrestled the shirt over his head, and flattened it out. He bent over and eyed the wrapping of the paper.
“You mean,” Lukas started to piece it together, “this present is for me?”
“Well, this is your room now,” Mr. Dane merely shrugged with a smile on his face, “so everything in here is yours!”
Lukas looked down at the packaged gift. This was his, something completely brand new. He slowly clamped down on the wrapping paper, shifted his fingers between the tape, as the wrapping unfolded itself to reveal a box that imprinted an image of a telescope. Lukas picked up the box gently, as he eyed the advertised image on display.
“You bought this for me?” Lukas asked, as his voice slightly cracked.
“I do not know if you want it, or if you even care about astrology, but I thought-“
“Thank you, Mr. Dane!” Lukas happily interjected. Mr. Dane looked at the boy; he was smiling, genuinely smiling. “I can not wait to use this!”
Mr. Dane smiled as the boy fell to the floor to examine the box. He flipped off the tabs of the box that opened to the parts contained within separate sections of the box, along with the instructions on top. Lukas started to take out the parts, some of which was covered in plastic, while Mr. Dane got on the floor and flipped through the thick instruction booklet.
Only a short time seemed to have passed until Mr. Dane just so happened to peer up to see through the bedroom window, where his mouth gaped open to see sprockets of lights shoot across the sky.
“Lukas,” Mr. Dane whispered, as the boy was entranced with the parts, but he looked up to Mr. Dane’s star-struck expression. “Look out the window!”
Lukas slowly turned around to see the flashing lights of the sky. Mr. Dane smiled as he saw Lukas’s eyes sparkle and mouth gape open as well.
Lukas sprung upwards, shot out of the room, raced towards the door, stepped into the dew grass and lifted his head to the sprinkling rain and glimmering lights. He felt the droplets of rain splash upon his dirty blonde hair, his dry cracked face, his thin shirt, and his bare feet. Mr. Dane came rushing behind him.
“Lukas, I do not want you to run in the house, you could trip and fall or run into-“ he stopped as felt the sprinkles of rain fall upon him. He looked up to see the sparkles upon the cornflower blue sky. He slowly walked over to Lukas while watching the sky.
“It is so..” Mr. Dane started, trying to find the right words for the indescribable masterpiece.
“Beautiful? Mesmerizing? Enthralling?” Lukas listed off some words, as he smirked and side eyed Mr. Dane.
“I was going for ‘enchanting,” Mr. Dane mentioned as he continued to watch the sky. “Although, you do have a good choice in words.”
They both looked away from the sky and to each other, and busted into laughter. Just as they were taking in the moments, a crash of thunder banged within the sky that shook the trees and a spiral of rain tumbled down upon them.
Lukas froze, almost feeling the need to scream. He covered his ears on instinct, as he could hear the pounding and booming yell of his memories. As their clothes became damp within moments, Mr. Dane instinctively grabbed Lukas’s arm, bolted towards the door and their soaked clothes made another stain upon the floor. Lukas did not even notice that Mr. Dane was holding his arm until he apologized, and went off to grab a set of towels and another set of clothes.
Lukas sat in front of the fireplace as he dried off. He had picked out a t-shirt with blue birds on them, and a pair of black sweatpants, while huddled within a fluffy velvet red blanket.
He also grabbed the telescope box and continued to examine the pieces, while also checking over the small print of the instructions. He was not really sure of what he was doing, let alone what any of it meant, so he had only got as far as removing the items out of the plastic container and some from the plastic wrap. As he continued to examine the small font, a shadow casted from the right of him. He spun around to see Mr. Dane in a magenta robe, who was holding two bowls.
“Is this seat taken?” Mr. Dane asked. Lukas put down the instructions and scooched to his left, as Mr. Dane slowly started to crouch down beside him. Lukas took hold of the warm bowl that Mr. Dane held in his left hand. He peered in to see brick red juice with bumpy clumps of beef, sprinkled on top with shredded bits of string cheese and crumpled cracker bits.
“A rainy night, a dancing fire, with a star show; there is not a better night for chili!” He mentioned to himself, as he stirred his spoon around, scooped up a clump of beef, and inhaled within a gulp. He peered over to Lukas. “Have you ever had chili before?”
Lukas took hold of his spoon, scooped up a small piece of meat that was layered with cheese and crackers, and took a bite. The spice hit his tongue, but the little bits of cheese and crunchiness of the saltine crackers gave it all its own taste.
“Now I have,” he chuckled, as he swallowed the goodness. “It’s tasty!”
Mr. Dane put his bowl down by the end of his intertwined legs, and reached over to the instructions sitting open.
“So, how is this process going?” Mr. Dane asked as he skimmed the tiny lettering, and held the large paper with his right hand. Lukas put his bowl down next to Mr. Dane’s, and reached his left hand out to hold the other side of the instructions up. He peered over to the laid out parts.
“Is it obvious?” Lukas muttered with a grin.
“Would you like me to help you figure out how to put it together?” Mr. Dane asked, as he looked back at Lukas.
“Sure, that is nice of you to offer,” Lukas grinned, as he looked toward the fluttering flames. “Although, can we start on it later, maybe tomorrow?”
“We can wait if that is what you want,” Mr. Dane shrugged, as he looked back at the flames. “Do you still want to go to the sports facility tomorrow?”
“If that is what you want to do,” Lukas answered, as slightly scrunched up his lip. “Although, I was thinking you could show me the pottery place you went to with your uncle?”
Mr. Dane's eyes fluttered open in surprise. “You want to take pottery?”
Lukas slowly looked back up to Mr. Dane. “I am really sorry for chipping your cup,” he trailed off, as he bit his lip. “It sounds like an interesting experience, and after everything you did for me, I owe you that much.”
“Lukas, that is very kind of you, but you do not need to do that for me if you do not want to; you do not owe me anything! It is like I said-“
“I know what you said,” Lukas interjected, realizing he was using Mr. Dane’s own words, “but that was your mug. I can not replicate it, but I can make the mug my own out of my own work, and in the end, you will always have another mug.”
They gave each other a tired smile, and they both looked back to the flames. They sat in silence as the crackling of the flames filled in the silence.
“I am sorry for how I acted.” Lukas admitted, as he bit down on his lip and clenched his eyes shut. Mr. Dane looked down at him. “I am sorry that I yelled, and that I made a mess of your living room.”
Mr. Dane peered back down to Lukas, who was still watching the flames.
“I do not want to be like my father-” he stopped once again, unable to escape the meaningless word. “I do not want to yell to get my way or hurt anybody the way he hurt me!”
Mr. Dane repositioned himself, as he noticed Lukas’s eyes glazed over in tears.
“You are not your father, Lukas,” Mr. Dane started, as he looked down to the tired kid. “You are your own person with your own emotions, you just have to let yourself figure out who you want to be.”
Lukas felt his tears fall once again, as he just stared at Mr. Dane. The flames flashed to reveal a healed over scratch on Mr. Dane’s cheek. Lukas closed his eyes, and exhaled.
“Thank you for listening to me,” Lukas mentioned, as he watched the flames.
“Of course, Lukas. I will always be here to listen.” Mr. Dane watched the flickering of the flames, and then looked back down at the kid. “Is there something you want to tell me right now?”
Lukas looked back up to him. He could feel the thick blanket press against the heavy robe.
He wanted to be ready, he wanted to move on, he wanted to cry out all of his tears of pain, but he knew it would take longer than a day. It would take longer than a week, a month, maybe even a year. Maybe it really could get easier, maybe he would learn not to be ashamed of the scars, and maybe, he could make it through just as he had already done. One day, someday, but, he was going to allow it to come naturally.
He started to lay into Mr. Dane’s robe.
“You know, right now,” Lukas started, as the flames glowed upon them, “I think I just want to stay right here, with you.”
“Lukas?” Mr. Dane's voice slightly cracked, almost as if he was on the verge of tears. Lukas peered upwards. “Would you like a hug?”
Lukas blinked only for a moment, but smiled and nodded his head.
Mr. Dane slowly removed his clenched left arm from between them, and lightly wrapped it around Lukas.
They sat there, as the rain pattered against the windows, and as the heat began to grow thicker underneath the fluff.
Lukas started to blink in and out of consciousness, as the long night started to bring out well-needed rest. However, right before he drifted off, he looked into the flames. He noticed something: the flames were no longer dancing about, not flickering in and out in spurts, and rather, they were condensed into one flame; still separate entities yet stronger together.
“Mr. Dane?” Lukas whispered, as he had slowly sunk into the plush that surrounded him. Mr. Dane shifted in his position as his shadow continued to cast over Lukas.
“Thank you, dad,” Lukas yawned, as he slowly started to shut his eyes, but immediately flinched them open and jolted upwards. He looked to see Mr. Dane, who was flickering between a grin and a straight face.
“I-I uh, I meant-“ Lukas sputtered, trying to find the right words to say, as he tugged at his thick blanket of comfort that now felt slightly suffocating.
He meant it, well, he really wanted to mean it. Maybe it was too early to say it, but it just happened. He could not think of anything better to say. He did not have to, though.
Mr. Dane chuckled as he slightly wiped away at his eyes. He put his soft hand back on Lukas’s shoulder.
“Whenever you are ready, kid,” he whispered with a nod.
Lukas unraveled his clenched hands from the blanket, and felt his muscles slowly descend within his body. He nodded and slowly smiled.
He was not used to this, but maybe he could be. Maybe he would not have to adapt, and rather, maybe he would learn to love this for what it is.
Maybe this could be normal