Oye, it’s cold! |
Issue 12
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I start my new life away from Mexico’s warm, and sometimes suffocating, embrace. The
Thick desert air swings its heavy arms to catch me before I go. I watch my hometown fade. My nose firmly pressed against the cold passenger window. I unravel - abandoning one end of an intricately crocheted scarf. My queer tongue finally freed. The mice worn on my feet squeak relentlessly as I shake my leg in excitement. But, bitter blue eyes bend from the back of passengers’ heads urging me to stay still. Lifeless applause fills the plane, and everyone’s patience thins as we wait for our exit. The North air strangles my airways with frigid, forbidding hands once I step outside. The frail jacket that carried me through childhood winters melts away. All My excitement now contained in the frozen puddle at my feet. I cover my mouth as fallen hopes freeze every nerve creeping up my legs. A plea for My dad’s advice yields “El camarón que se duerme, se lo lleva la corriente” He says if I don’t wake up, the freezing air will fling me away. Instead of swimming, I will drift along with the current and lose my way. Not a single compass could find me then. The saying I’ve heard time and time again feels familiar. Wisdom from The Desert sun defrosts my legs, and I walk to a cozy comfort - temporary as it is. As I approach my new home, the sky darkens and winter widens its domain. Yet, My mom yells “¡A darle, que es mole de hoya!” in response to whispers from Rigor Mortis. She’s right. I chose a laborious meal to enjoy, and all I can do is keep Grinding to blend flavors and textures of earth’s finest harvest. A good pot will keep me warm. As much as the Desert reaches out with hot cocoa, hearty meals, and helpful lessons, The North claws my confidence apart. She dissects all nerves telling my body to move. Rigor Mortis sets in, and the North embalms my mouth with a tear-soaked smile. My family calls to ask about the weather, and I tell them it’s cold. |
Xochitl Zazueta is a trans Latina from south Texas. Her transition from a Mexican bordertown to university has completely challenged her perception of the world. Her art across different media reflects the juxtaposition of immigrant hopes and fears in the U.S., a yearning for humanization, and the strength she finds in a rich cultural history.
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