in the night.​

oh, i’m afraid of myself in the night.
the stars that once served as my kite
i lost
in a fistfight with the moon.
i don’t have light 
to keep me tied down.
for borrowing isn’t the same as using & discarding.
oh, i’m afraid of myself in the night

my mother left.
in her place to rock me to sleep
are the shadows i see in the corners.
i thrash & open my mouth to cry,
but their dark talons keep me from screaming.
their arms tight around my body,
forcing me to listen to them mimic the wails of those i love.

by morning’s light,
they lick the sweat off my hairline.
whispering in my ear that they’ve reserved yet another time to see me.

oh, i’m afraid of myself in the night.
the stars that once served as my kite
i lost
in a fistfight with the moon.
i don’t have light 
to keep me tied down.
for borrowing isn’t the same as using & discarding.
oh, i’m afraid of myself in the night.

my father is gone.
i stay awake in his place
to watch over the dwelling.
the clock’s hands conduct a ticking symphony
that tempts me to sleep.
but resist i must,
i know what happens once my eyelids fall.

oh, i’m afraid of myself in the night.
the stars that once served as my kite
i lost
in a fistfight with the moon.
i don’t have light 
to keep me tied down.
for borrowing isn’t the same as using & discarding.
oh, i’m afraid of myself in the night.

nothing is making sense anymore.
the terrors i see at night are meshing with the daylight.
i cannot tell what is real & what is not.
but i know better, so i shall keep my mouth shut.
after all, no one wants to see a young girl in a fight
with her knotted mind.
so rising & falling i will continue.
shaking in fear i will stay.
there is no light for i lost it in a fistfight long ago.
there is no help that i can ask for,
by this time of day, they are already tucked away.

i’m afraid of myself in the night.

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MADISON WITTBRODT
is a writer living out in the middle of Michigan. She spends her days working towards a better self. She’s studying journalism at her local community college. She is most active on her Tumblr — Sad-Indie-Kid.

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