The New Year

Issue 13

​            The sheet and thick blanket that once protected Aiden from the bitter cold, was now shoved off to the opposite side of the mattress. His boyfriend, CJ, who once laid beside him, was no longer there.
​            The buzzing of CJ’s cellphone caused Aiden to cock his head over to the hallway, which he could barely see through the bedroom door that had been left ajar. He listened as their slides smacked against the floor as he walked himself throughout their apartment. The ringing continued as the sliding glass door squeaked open, and then was swiftly shut.
​            Aiden waited for what would be said, but at the distance that he laid, he knew he would not be able to hear a whisper. He clenched his eyes shut, heaved himself up from the indented pillow, and swung his legs over the side of the bed.
​            He walked down the hallway, and immediately looked to the outdoor balcony. Aiden stood within the living room, which was just a few feet away from the balcony that connected to the kitchen. He could see CJ’s mouth moving every few seconds, when he wasn’t fully facing the tops of apartment complexes and the baby blue morning sky. However, even within the silent apartment, just feet away from the balcony, he could still barely hear what CJ was saying. It was as if they were speaking within the faintest of whispers, or some sort of code that Aiden could not decipher. The only thing that he could see was CJ’s smile. He wasn’t snickering, nor was he sneering. He was genuinely smiling as he listened to the other person on the phone. CJ’s mouth curved up as he held up the phone to his ear, and then opened wide as he responded to whatever was said to him by whoever was on the other side. It was as if that person could make him smile better than Aiden could.
​            Aiden knew he should just lounge on the couch and turn on the television to flip through the channels that he didn’t pay for, in order to look patient enough for CJ’s return. However, he couldn’t help but wonder who he was talking to. He didn’t know who could possibly make him smile so much. He didn’t even remember the last time CJ had smiled like that. He could chop it up to a few months ago, when they were first going out with each other to small cafes, to walks in Central Park, and to a few bars well into the late night. It did not take long for them to initiate a relationship, and even more quickly, for CJ to move into Aiden’s apartment. They had been together for almost half of a year, with tomorrow being their six month anniversary together. Aiden pictured watching the fireworks sparkling against the coal black sky, huddled up next to CJ, as he would extend his arm out just long enough to reach the middle of CJ’s back, while CJ would fully wrap his arm around Aiden for security. Just the two of them, together, on the balcony porch with two untouched champagne glasses resting on the railing. They would bring in their glasses, and drag each other to bed, as the fireworks continued to sprocket off. Aiden tiredly smiled at the envision, until he looked back up to see CJ now chuckling with his phone in hand.
​            Aiden bit his lip, hoping to taste blood from a dried bottom lip rather than the feeling of boiling jealousy. He felt bad he couldn’t make CJ laugh like that. For a few months now, Aiden rarely saw CJ smile at him. He often swiped through his phone while Aiden tried to talk to him, or he would snicker at his phone instead of another one of Aiden’s corny jokes. Aiden endlessly wondered at what he was doing wrong, as he tiredly laid in an empty bed, waiting for when CJ would come home for the night. He would often awake to the bed still empty of the other presence, and Aiden did not want to even consider the thought that CJ did not come home at all.
​            He tiredly sighed as he rubbed his hands over his greasy face, and walked towards the balcony door. Although it was only a few feet away, their distance felt impossible to reach. It was as if his joints tightened as he continued to look at the way CJ pressed his elbow into the railing, with his head resting in his left hand, and his phone held out with his right. Once Aiden latched his hand onto the door handle, he wondered if even the pressure would alert CJ that someone else was there. Aiden stood there for a moment, his stance just a foot apart from where the door would unlock, but CJ did not turn around. That is what he dreaded, and yet, could not help but peer into the lives that were clearly not meant for him. Aiden held his breath, and lurched open the sliding door.
​            The cold morning air swept in, almost pushing Aiden away from the balcony and back into bed where he felt he should have stayed. Aiden watched as CJ spun around, as he fumbled his phone within his right hand, which had somehow had a strong grip before Aiden’s presence materialized. Aiden curled up his fingers and held in his breath as he watched CJ latch onto his phone with both of his hands, and held it right up to his mouth.
​            “Hey, I’ve got to go,” CJ sputtered out, as he slowly looked over to Aiden, who was still standing in the doorway. “But, thank you for the invitation. We will see you tonight!”
​            “An invitation?” Aiden questioned, as he began to genuinely smile. “Did you get another offer to model?”
​            “Good morning to you, too…” CJ muttered, as he crossed his arms over his chest, with his phone still in hand.
​            “Sorry, I just didn’t think you would be up already.” Aiden mentioned, as he finally stepped out onto the balcony and slid the door shut. “Since you have been working so much, I thought you would have wanted to sleep in.”
​            CJ merely shrugged, as he looked back to the buildings that seemed more intriguing than Aiden’s surprise presence.
​            “So,” Aiden started, as he stood next to CJ and pressed his elbows into the railing. “Who were you talking to, then?”
​            “Oh, just another of my many friends. I met them at one of the shows I modeled for a few months ago.”
​            CJ worked as a model. He didn’t tell Aiden much of his personal work, nor had he ever gone to any of his shows, as he was not a journalist, a photographer, nor even seemed worthy enough to witness the tall, short, curvy, thin, and thick glowy figures in colorful yet obscure outfits. However, when CJ’s lanky body hung over Aiden’s short stature, his flowy, hickory brown hair that he always dug his hands through, his light freckled cheeks that squeezed together whenever he snickered at Aiden’s bad jokes, he felt it always made up for when he didn’t see CJ in days.
​            “They invited us to a New Year’s party at their apartment. It’s just a few blocks away from here.”
Aiden looked away from watching the people who walked on the crowded sidewalk. They  looked like the tiny freckles that rested on CJ’s cheeks.
​            Us.
​            “They want us both to come?” Aiden pivoted his body away from the rail to face CJ. “You told them about me?”
​            “Well,” CJ smiled, “I need someone to kiss once it strikes midnight!”
​            CJ turned to mirror Aiden’s stance. He smirked as Aiden’s cheeks reddened, and then walked towards the sliding door, leaving Aiden within his dazed state. He hadn’t answered Aiden’s question.
​            How have I not known about their friendship before now? How does this friend know about me, but I don’t know anything about them? What has CJ told them about me? What does this friend think of me? How do they make him so happy? Is CJ happier with-
​            “Are you going to stand out there all day?” CJ yelled from their bedroom. “I need someone to judge my outfit choices!”
​            Aiden watched as CJ modelled various different outfits for the party that was hours away. From a thin white sweater that he worried would be stained by wine, to a thin black short sleeve shirt that he would regret the moment they walked out into the crisp morning, he finally decided upon a scarlet red shirt with sleeves that slunk down over his hands, along with black tights. As Aiden looked through the closet that was stuffed with CJ’s sparkly, silky, and colorful clothes, Aiden pulled out a simple black turtleneck sweater. Aiden remembered that CJ found it to be cute when they first met. Aiden warmly smiled, and hoped that CJ still remembered that compliment.
​            Instead of pulling each other through the crowd of obvious tourists who wandered, shady sellers who you tried to avoid eye contact with and the everyday New Yorker’s who walked head on with their coffee and bag in tow, Aiden shoved his drying hands into his sweatshirt pockets, wrapping his fingers and holding his own hands to prevent that weird burning sensation from shooting into his skin every time winter came around. The cars blasted cold breeze as they rushed by, honking their horns at the cars who shoved their way into their lane. Aiden tried to focus on the sidewalk, which would soon be covered in confetti, but he continuously peered up to see the back of CJ, who walked just a single foot ahead of him. Aiden wanted to reach out his dried, chapped and cold hand and intertwine his fingers in CJ’s, but there was already someone who was basically walking on CJ heels because they wouldn’t look up from their phone, and he knew that if he altered the arranged walking pattern, it would cause a collision of uttered annoyances as he shoved his way into their boundaries. It wasn’t worth letting the people in the peripheral area know that they were together. It was not worth a grand gesture.
​            CJ abruptly turned left to enter a shop, and the people from behind him immediately filled in the space from his lack of a presence. He did not look back to see if Aiden was still following behind him. Aiden tried not to stop within the middle of the continuously moving crowd, as he awkwardly shuffled between the cluster and muttered out the obligatory “sorry” and “excuse me” to the irritated people.
​            He nearly tripped and fell flat onto the concrete as he wrestled his leg out from the crowd, but stood tall as he faced the small coffee shop. Once he pushed open the door, the small chime of a bell validating his presence, he was warmed by the fresh smell of buttered croissants and the strong scent of rich, dark coffee. He immediately spotted CJ’s tall stature, who started pulling off his maroon red puffer. Aiden let his hands fall out of his pockets as the oven’s heat warmed his dried out hands that still tingled and burned from the crisp morning.
​            He walked up beside CJ, who seemed bored as he scrolled through his phone’s feed. They stood behind two girls who were happily chatting with the overly friendly cashier. The girls spouted out multiple different customizations to their orders, saying what they did and did not like, but there was not an ounce of sourness within their tone. The cashier nodded along to their requests, their smile never faltering. Aiden wondered if the cashier was just committing to her role as an employee, but their smile did not seem plastered on, because he noticed their direct eye contact and few snickers that slipped in between the girl's explanation over their specific orders.
​            “My god, these girls must think they are the center of the universe,” CJ muttered as he looked up from his phone. He didn’t look down to seek Aiden’s validation, but Aiden was glad that he didn’t. Aiden clenched his eyes shut, and tightened his hands into fists as they continued to buzz. Aiden hoped that the girls rambling, the grinding of the coffee beans, or even the outside world of the shoes against the concrete and the blaring car horns, tuned out what CJ had said. He hoped that he was the only one who heard him, even though he wished he hadn’t.
​            Why does he always do this? What does he get from seeking validation for his meaningless complaints? We aren’t in dire need of overpriced coffee and dried-out pastries.
​            “I’ll go find us a table…” Aiden mustered out, as he swiftly slid past CJ. He didn’t wait for CJ to say what table he wanted, or to tell him what he wanted from the menu. He knew to grab the second booth, not the first booth closest to the register and the bathroom that had toilet paper all over the floor, nor the third booth that was closest to the door that was banged as people bumped into it. He knew CJ would grab him a chocolate chip croissant, as although he did not always care for the flaky and dry bread, he liked the little bits of dried chocolate filled within the dough, and that CJ would grab himself a blueberry scone with a latte.
​            Aiden walked over muffin crumbs and the paper wrappers from the plastic straws. He knew he should have had the decency to pick them up, but he figured it could be his consequence for not addressing CJ’s rude comment, or for not defending the talkative girls, or for interrupting CJ’s conversation this morning, or for feeling the slight twinge of jealousy that he couldn’t make CJ smile like the friend on the phone. The crumbs that dug into his shoes could make up for many things that he didn’t take care of. However, it never helped; he knew the regret would stick with him so long as he kept his mouth shut.
​            “Is this seat taken?”
​            Aiden looked up to see CJ smiling, as he held out two pastries covered by napkins. The sticky feeling faded to a warm glow within his cheeks. Even after months, he couldn’t help but blush when CJ did that; he did that every now and then. Aiden wondered if he did that just to get a reaction out of him. Regardless, the reaction would always be the same.
​            He remembered being at that shop, sitting in the exact same booth, picking apart a chocolate croissant into flakey pieces, when CJ approached him wearing a simple royal blue buttoned-up shirt and black dress pants, holding a blueberry scone in his left hand, a latte in his right hand, and a grin that scrunched up his freckled cheeks. The coffee shop wasn’t busy, as there were multiple tables available. However, after staring at him for a few moments, wondering if he was talking to someone else, Aiden slowly nodded. After a few moments of silence and Aiden trying to repress the need to comment how much they liked this stranger’s wide grin, they asked for their name. They quickly dove into talking about their favorite movies, their childhood pets, and their favorite place in New York. They sat with each other for hours, naturally shifting into topic after topic without a moment of tense silence, laughing at their bad jokes, sitting together as if they were old friends catching up after so much time had passed between the two of them. As they walked out onto the busy sidewalk, he mentioned that he liked Aiden’s turtleneck sweater, and walked the opposite way. He left Aiden in a daze, and that was just the start.
​            “That’s never going to get old,” CJ snickered, as he slid into the booth. Aiden grinned as he dug his fingers into the table, anticipating the itty, bitty bits of chocolate that complimented the buttery, flakey dough. However, once CJ slid the pastry across the table, and Aiden unwrapped the rough napkin from the pastry, he noticed that the croissant’s moon shape was swirled into a rounded bun, the flakes were hardened, and the light chocolate sprinkles were replaced with a slather of gooey honey.
​            “Um,” Aiden muttered, as he let his hands slink off the table and fall into his lap. “Did they give you the wrong order? Was this for one of the girls who were in front of us?”
​            CJ had placed his elbows onto the table, as he held his phone within both of his hands. He kept his eyes on his phone for a moment, before he peered over to Aiden. His unimpressed gaze from the phone did not falter when he looked directly at the bun that was displayed by the napkins.
​            “Uh, no? What are you talking about?” CJ questioned as he lowered his phone to the table. “I always get you a honey bun!”
​            Aiden looked back and forth between the sweetened bread and CJ’s raised eyebrows of confusion. Two very different things.
​            “When? I have never eaten a honey bun!” Aiden expressed, as he slightly narrowed his eyes on CJ. “You know I always get the chocolate croissants!”
​            Now CJ looked back and forth between the glazed bread and Aiden’s narrowed eyes of annoyance. Two very different things.
CJ then looked up to Aiden one final time before his eyes enlarged, and snorted out a laugh.
​            “Sorry, I guess I just have Riley on the brain,” CJ lightly chuckled, as he wrapped his fingers into his palm and pressed his knuckled hand to his lips, as if he was trying to cover up his smile. The scrunch of his freckled cheeks already gave him away, yet Aiden didn’t find it very cute this time.
​            “What does that mean?” Aiden persisted, as he could feel the annoyance redden his burning hands and bubble within his empty stomach. “Who is Riley?”
​            “Riley, the friend I was talking to on the phone this morning before you interrupted us. They always get a honey bun whenever we come here together.” CJ shrugged, letting his laughter die as he looked down to the table. “Why? Jealous, much?”
​            Aiden scrunched his fingers into the cold, hardened, plastic booth seat, stiffening his arms to prevent him from accidentally slipping under the table to never be seen again.
​            “No! No, not at all! I just-“ Aiden stretched out his arms to CJ, but his throat dried up from the lack of needed words. His lips stiffened together, as he let his hands retract and plop back into his lap.
​            “Sorry. I’m sorry,” Aiden muttered, as he looked to the carpeted floor that was filled with specks of dough and stained hot coffee. He clenched his eyes shut as he tiredly looked back at CJ. “I didn’t know that you two were so close, but I'm glad that they make you happy. I’m really glad that they are willing to invite me to their party. I-I can’t wait to get to know them.”
​            “Yeah,” CJ mumbled, as he looked at the empty tables that stood across from where they sat together. “I am sure they will love to get to know you, too.”
​            Aiden’s weary smile started to falter until he noticed the cashier walking towards them.
​            “Latte for CJ?” Her perky voice crinkled within their stiffened tension.
​            ​Aiden continued to smile as CJ took the cup out from the cashier’s hand. He took a quick sip, but when he brought the cup away from his lips, he somehow seemed more drained.
​            “Ready to eat?” Aiden squeaked out, trying to imitate the cashier’s fixated enthusiasm.
​            “You’re going to eat something that you just made a huge fuss over?”
​            Aiden finally let his wide smile fall as he lowered his eyes to the table. He was allowing his boyfriend to stare at him without feeling awkward. It was Aiden’s turn to feel that way.
​            “Meaningless complaints?” Yet, here I am, throwing a fit over a piece of dough! Why did I even say anything? I could’ve at least tried the sticky bun! I could’ve pretended to like the sweetness!…I wonder why Riley likes honey buns? Are they as sweet as the honey tastes? They must be, otherwise why would CJ hang out with them?
​            “Let’s just go,” CJ muttered, as he swiftly slid out of the seat. CJ’s shadow loomed over the table as he grabbed his cup and snatched up his wrapped pastry that he hadn’t bothered to check to see if he ordered correctly, as he could have ordered two honey buns by mistake. At least if he did, he would happily give it to Riley. All Aiden knew about Riley was that they met CJ through work, they made CJ snicker and smile and forget about everything else in the world, and that they liked honey buns.
​            Maybe CJ deserves someone like Riley. Maybe they should be together.
​            Aiden allowed for CJ to walk ahead of him. He wanted to give CJ the space that he needed. The tingling, burning feeling quickly spread through his hands while he walked. He considered it to be his punishment for creating unneeded tension with the man he was about to celebrate an anniversary with. However, the bitter cold was not able to replace the sticky guilt and the unwanted jealousy that continued to bubble within his empty stomach. He considered giving the honey bun to Riley when he walked into their apartment for the first time, as a thank you for the invitation. The honey would have hardened into the dough by that point, likely losing a lot of its flavor, but he thought it was the very least that he could do. He thought that maybe CJ would then forgive him for the outburst. Maybe he would finally point out the sweater that Aiden wore was the same one he wore when they first met. However, when he spotted an elderly homeless woman, who was likely freezing from sitting on the cold and crowded sidewalk, he ended up giving the honey bun to her.
​            The baby blue sky slowly turned navy blue as the day pressed on. Aiden blindly followed CJ who walked into various shops to kill time. They went into a bookstore, where Aiden scanned the new releases while he let CJ roam the different sections with childish joy. They went into a clothing store, where Aiden watched as CJ modeled a few different outfits but didn’t provide any sort of negative criticism. Finally, they went into a wine shop, where CJ purchased sparkling red wine for the party. They barely spoke to one another, only offering head-nods or shrugs to say everything except what needed to be said.
​            The navy blue sky transformed into a black void, as the light yellow street lights started to flicker on. Aiden and CJ were now walking alongside one another, but they didn’t seek to hold each other’s hands, nor did they make eye contact with each other. Aiden listened as young tourists blew into their cheap noisemakers, and briefly looked up to see couples walking hand and hand, leaning into each other’s shoulders as they walked past. He figured that many of them were heading to Times Square, in order to celebrate the new year. Aiden shuddered at the feeling of being squished and shoved by so many loud, drunk and obnoxious people, while being covered with confetti in the process. Although that was a typical day in New York, it seemed more like an excuse to just be a part of something that didn’t mean much to him. It just seemed like a loud, crowded and dirty party. However, he didn’t know how CJ felt about it.
​            Instead of spending the first of the month together, CJ wanted them to be with other people, people that Aiden didn’t even know. With CJ’s work, he likely knew a lot of different people, and had more opportunities to have better connections, as opposed to Aiden, who mostly worked from the comfort of his apartment. Despite living in New York for a few years, Aiden didn’t really know anybody, let alone, was close to anyone besides CJ. Perhaps that was why he wanted to be even closer to CJ, and perhaps that was why CJ wanted to do something different for their anniversary, instead of it being just them, alone. This party would give them an excuse to surround themselves with others besides depending upon each other’s company.
​            “I’m a little nervous,” Aiden mustered out, as he slowly looked up to CJ. CJ’s eyes shot down to meet Aiden’s short stature. Aiden awkwardly grinned, just as he did before at the coffee shop.
​            “Don’t be. Riley’s a wonderful person,” CJ started to slowly smile back at Aiden. “Besides, it’s not like you are going to be doing this alone. You’ll soon be friends with all of my friends! We can finally start going out and doing things with other people, instead of sitting at home all of the time.”
​            Aiden looked back up to CJ, who continued to smile as he looked straight ahead. He listened as the wine bottle rolled back and forth within the paper bag. CJ hadn’t complained of his arm straining from holding a heavy bottle, nor of his left hand throbbing from the bag’s scratchy straw handle.
​            Maybe he’s right; maybe this party will be good for us to get out more rather than depending on each other’s company.
​            It’ll be good for me.
​            “I’m glad you’re excited,” Aiden mentioned, as he looked back up to CJ with a small grin. CJ cocked his head back to Aiden, but continued to smile. Aiden watched as CJ slid the bag’s strap onto his right wrist, and placed his left hand on Aiden’s shoulder. They walked the rest of the way in silence.
​            They walked into a building, and took the elevator to the sixth floor. Once they made it up, they walked a few steps until CJ stopped at a door. He tapped his knuckles on the door, and it quickly opened to a tall, thin, blonde haired figure wearing a sparkly black button-up shirt and thin dress pants.
​            “CJ! I’m glad you finally made it!”
​            Aiden watched as they quickly enveloped each other within a quick embrace. The sparkly shirt figure smiled as he looked down.
​            “Oh! Are you Aiden?”
​            Aiden quickly nodded, as he extended out his right hand. He wasn’t sure how to greet them, but since CJ didn’t introduce him, he needed to initiate the transaction himself. Luckily, the tall figure bent down and latched both of their hands onto Aiden’s one hand, and quickly shook it up and down.
​            “I’m Riley! I’m really glad that you are here!” Their hands slipped away as they stood back up. “Come on in before the New Year’s starts without us!”
​            Riley led them into a darkened living room that’s only light source was a colorful disco ball that stood upon the kitchen counter. The apartment was full of people, people of whom dressed in suits and ruffled dresses. Every single person within the room was accompanied, whether they conversed in small groups at the kitchen counter, laughed as they drank in a large group on the balcony, or held each other on the couch in the living room. Aiden wondered where he would be standing for the night, along with who he would be standing with. All he really wanted was for CJ to stand by his side, as at least he would not feel alone within the crowded room.
​            However, as soon as the door shut from behind them, and CJ pulled out his fancy bottle of expensive wine, the two of them quickly headed into the kitchen. Aiden straggled behind, trying not to bump into the small tables of unaccompanied solo cups, nor into the people who were locked within conversation. Just as Riley poured them both a drink, and CJ shoved it into Aiden’s hands, he watched them walk off once again.
​            Aiden tried to follow behind them, as he awkwardly pushed through people and ducked under the couple who passionately made out to everyone’s pleasure. However, it seemed that every time CJ talked to one person, he would be pulled in by another. He walked around to so many people, and shifted into new conversations so fast, that Aiden couldn’t even tell what was happening. He tried to intersect into a few of the topics that he knew nothing about, but the loud music from the stereos must have muted him out, as CJ only seemed to get closer and closer to each person’s proximity as they continued to talk without his input.
​            After about six or so different people, zig-zagging from one group to another, Aiden shuffled over to an empty spot on a couch, where two other couples resided. Aiden wasn’t sure how much time had passed since he and CJ had arrived at the party; maybe it had already been an hour or two, maybe it had only been five minutes. He pulled out his phone, hoping to give himself a distraction to make it seem that he wasn’t as alone as he felt. However, when the bright phone screen displayed the time, 11:54 P.M., he noticed that his battery was running very low, and would likely die if he even opened one of his apps. He rolled his eyes as he slid his phone back into his sweatshirt pocket, and clenched both of his hands onto the red solo cup that he had barely drank out of. The wine was too sweet for his liking, but he was glad that CJ liked it.
​            “Besides, it’s not like you are going to do this alone.”
​            Aiden slowly leaned back into the couch cushions, sinking into the fluffy pillows, as his head slightly bonked against the thin wall. He stared up at the ceiling, wondering when CJ would come to join him on the couch. He hoped CJ would have noticed his lack of a silent presence as the music blasted and people screamed into each other’s faces. With how crowded the balcony was, maybe they wouldn’t watch the fireworks together, but they could still have a kiss on some strangers' couch. Just like this party, there was a first for everything.
​            “Enjoying the party?”
​            Aiden looked to see Riley’s tall stature walking towards him. Despite the dark room and the flashing lights, he could tell that they were smiling. They sat on the couch’s arm rest, crossing their legs and resting their hands on their knees.
​            “Is it that obvious?” Aiden shook his head. “Thanks for inviting me, though. I’m glad that CJ is enjoying himself. He can be excited for the both of us.”
​            “No problem!” They chirped, as they smiled widely. “So, what kind of a person are you, then?”
​            Aiden started to place the solo cup to his lips, attempting to avoid the eventual small talk, but once the question was asked, it was too late. He looked back to Riley, who smiled as they awaited his answer. Aiden could tell them anything, anything at all surrounded by loud and drunk people. Aiden could say he was a hard-worker, keeping the apartment in shape and fulfilling the responsibilities while CJ was away. He could say he was a sucker for romance movies, especially since he started dating someone as amazing as CJ. He could say he was not into reading, despite willing to spend hours in a book shop for CJ to browse books he would and wouldn’t buy. He could say he was relatively quiet, but had a difficult time sitting within the silence. He could say he was undeniably envious that he couldn’t make CJ as happy as Riley could.
​            “More of an introverted, quiet, stay-at-home, work from home, homebody…A lot of home.”
​            Aiden clenched his fingers into his cup, denting the plastic as the wine started to rise from a lack of space. He cocked his head up to see Riley’s reaction. He expected a silent stare, or if they were nice enough, the simple response of “oh,” as they would slowly look the other way. However, instead, they started to chuckle, eventually holding themself over as they wrapped their arms over their waist and slightly kicked up their knees.
​            “What? Am I that weird?”
​            “No, n-no!” They mustered out in between breaths as they tried to contain their laughter. “No, you’re funny! CJ never said how funny you were! You know, he doesn’t really seem like your type!”
​            Aiden’s eyes widened. He knew he really shouldn’t have been shocked by that observation. He was aware that CJ was a lot more extroverted, outgoing, and outspoken compared to him. However, it wasn’t so much in terms of type, whereas lucky happenstance. They just happened to have been lucky enough to find each other in a world filled with millions upon millions of people. If CJ hadn’t bothered to ask to sit with him, they would have likely never met.
​            “I suppose not, but,” Aiden started, as he watched the guests refill their drinks and drag one another towards the balcony to watch the upcoming fireworks. “I guess I just got lucky that he chose me.”
​            “Riley!” A slurred moan called out. “Riley, where are you?”
​            Riley's smile faltered as they looked out into their apartment. Their eyes scanned the couch that was occupied with sleeping couples, the kitchen that had a few people finishing off their drinks, with one girl just taking one of the bottles, and then to the balcony that was filled to the brim with pumped-up guests.
​            “Riley, some guy on the balcony wants you!” One of the guests called out. “It seems like he really needs you!”
​            Riley quickly stood up, but before they could run off to see what wine had been spilled, or to see who had already thrown up on their balcony, they grinned as they looked back to Aiden.
​            “Aren’t you coming?” Riley held out their hand for Aiden to take, as if they were sunken into the soft couch that wouldn’t let him go. “I think the fireworks would be the perfect backdrop for a kiss!”
Aiden smirked as he grabbed his hand onto Riley’s, and they quickly hoisted him up.
​            “Ten! Nine!”
​            They dragged Aiden by the hand as they made their way to the balcony. Riley squeezed themself through the mass, never letting go of Aiden’s hand.
​            “Eight! Seven! Six!
​            Aiden wanted to apologize for shoving his way through, but he knew that he would not be heard over their loud chanting.
​            “Five! Four!”
​            However, when Aiden saw an opening, with CJ looking directly at them, Aiden quickly shoved himself next to Riley, letting go of their hand. He quickly scooted past Riley as he ran up to CJ with an open mouth smile.
​            “Three! Two!”
​            CJ only needed to take a step to reach him. However, he didn’t kneel down to Aiden’s short stature like a prince. Rather, he looked straight ahead, and Aiden watched as CJ stepped right past him.
​            “One!”
​            He watched as CJ leaned right into Riley’s face, gripping his right hand onto the collar of Riley’s shirt. Still holding his plastic cup within his left hand, he yanked their face towards his, and placed his lips upon theirs.
​            “Happy New Year!”
​            The crowd of guests cheered as they hoisted their full drinks into the air. The liquids started to drip and slosh onto the balcony as they wrapped their arms around each other.
​            All Aiden could do was stare. His wide mouth smile had slowly fallen into a gaping frown. Despite the chanting guests, the blaring music, and the booming fireworks that sparkled across the pitch black sky, it all became background noise. The ruffled dresses and multi-colored suits became a blended, blurry mass that he could not decipher. However, Aiden then watched Riley’s eyes shot open, as they lurched themself away from CJ’s grip.
​            “What the hell are you doing, CJ?”
​            “What?” CJ groaned, as he wiped his shirt sleeve across his lips. “What’s your problem?”
​            “Are you that drunk? I’m not Aiden! He’s standing right there!”
​            CJ slowly turned away from Riley to Aiden’s short stature. Aiden quickly stood up straight, and clenched his fingers into the palm of his hands, as if he was the one who was in trouble.
​            “Oh…yeah,” CJ mustered out, as he slowly chuckled. “Sorry, I’ve just got Riley on the brain!”
​            Aiden slowly peered over to Riley, who seemed stricken with confusion. They raised their eyebrows at the mention of their name, likely wondering what that was supposed to mean. Aiden then slowly turned back to CJ, who was slightly shaking his cup within his left hand, and then took a quick sip.
​            “You meant it…” Aiden mumbled, as he slowly looked down to the balcony floor that was sprinkled in droplets of wine. As the fireworks sprocketed across the sky, he bit his lip as the jealousy, the envy, the anger, the irrational fears that were not so irrational, came bubbling up within his throat!
​            “You meant that kiss!” Aiden shouted, as the fresh tears streamed down his face. “You meant to kiss them!”
​            CJ jolted back, as if he was shocked by Aiden’s burst of anger. Aiden was never one to shout, or to cause a scene, but as the guests slowly started to turn their way, the scene was already set to perform. CJ looked to the guests who circled around them, their cups in hands, and their eyebrows raised in curiosity of what was about to transpire.
​            “Well, I wasn’t calling for you!” CJ spat, as he folded his arms across his chest. “What did you expect to happen?”
​            ​Some of the guests started to murmur amongst each other. Aiden's eyebrows became unfurrowed as his shoulders dropped and his hands hung low. He looked back to the floor, wondering if his tears would join the splattered wine upon the balcony.
​            “I’m just going to go,” Aiden muttered, as he slowly turned and walked towards the sliding glass door. “Happy New Year, everyone.”
​            “No!” Riley shouted, as they gripped their hand onto Aiden’s shoulder, almost digging into the sweater threads. “No, you are not leaving, Aiden! He is!”
​            Aiden cocked his head back to see Riley pointing directly at CJ!
​            “What?!’ CJ squawked. “You’re kicking me out!?”
​            “Yes, I am, because I don’t want some snobby cheater ruining this party for my guests!”
​            “You’re choosing him over me?” CJ weakly flung his hand in Aiden’s direction, as if he was a stranger that he had already forgotten about. “You don’t even know him!
​            “Clearly, I know him better than I ever knew you!”
​            “All this time, you seriously did not pick up on all the signs I was hitting on you?! Are you that oblivious?!
​            “What? Getting food together? Working together? You considered that to be ‘hitting on me?!’”
​            Aiden listened as the drunken guests gasped at Riley’s response, but Riley was not fazed by the attention that they were receiving.
​            “Why on earth would I have accepted your advances when you have been with Aiden all this time!?” Riley expressed, as he quickly shot a glance at Aiden before staring right back at CJ. “We just talked to each other a few minutes ago, and he seemed so happy to be with you. He said that he was lucky to be with you! I would say that you should be lucky to have someone as kind as him!”
​            “Lucky?” CJ repeated, as he lightly chuckled to fill in the awkward tension, yet it was quickly lost within the cold air. “I expected him to be thankful to have someone like me, but I should have known that he would be blind to miss my eventual disinterest towards someone as boring as him!”
​            As the crowd of guests gasped in horror, one girl threw her solo cup filled with wine towards CJ. It only sprinkled lightly upon his shirt, as the remaining liquid splattered onto the floor. However, when a guy threw his entire solo cup at CJ’s head, the liquid splattered all over his once fluffy hair. Within seconds, every guest threw their cups at CJ, booing him and calling him names that no one could make out as everyone yelled something different.
​            ​Aiden looked away from the scene, as the tears continued to pour down his cheeks. He didn’t want to cry when so many strangers were on his side. He didn’t want to cry over someone like CJ, and yet, here he was. However, he then felt Riley’s grip stiffen into his shoulder, wrapping his fingers in the sweater threads.
​            “Get the hell out of here, CJ!”
​            ​CJ’s shadow casted over Aiden, and as he walked past him, he felt the multi-color droplets of wine soak into his sweater. As the guests started to cheer, Aiden looked up to see CJ at the door. Before he could turn the door handle, he looked back to meet Aiden’s gaze.
​            “That’s it?” CJ asked, as wine dripped from his now flattened hair and onto the floor. “You’re not going to say anything?”
​            The guests' voices started to fade away into the cold night, as they awaited for what would happen next. Aiden shut his eyes, hoping CJ would just walk out the door, but he knew he wouldn’t do that. If this is what he wanted, then he would give it to him. Aiden slowly opened his eyes and smirked.
​            “Have a Happy New Year’s, CJ.”
​            ​As an hour passed, the once loud, cheering crowd had started to disappear. After they helped clean up the wine that had been thrown onto the balcony floor, and threw away the crunched cups,  the only one who remained was Aiden. He silently mopped up the floor, put the remaining wine bottles into Riley’s fridge, and listened when some of the guests approached him with comforting words of advice. Although he was surrounded by strangers who stood by him, he couldn’t help but still feel alone.
​            While the last few guests talked with Riley by their apartment door, Aiden went back out onto the balcony, where he rested his arms against the railing. He looked down to see if he could spot any strangers that walked along the sidewalk, but it was so dark out that he couldn’t see the small freckles of people.
​            “Can I join you out here?”
​            Aiden turned around to see Riley holding two water bottles within their hands. Aiden nodded and slowly held out his hand for one of the bottles. He used his sweater sleeve to untwist the bottle cap, and took a long sip within the silence that they stood in.
​            “How are you feeling?” Riley asked, as they laid their arms onto the banister and looked to Aiden.
What could he say? He could force a smile, try to laugh and lie through his teeth. However, after a long night of cleaning up a mess that still hadn’t been resolved, he knew better than to do that.
​            He would miss waking up with him, deciding what each of them should wear, maybe surprising the other with a homemade breakfast of pancakes or waffles, and then giving him a kiss before he left for work in the early morning.
​            He would miss walking through the shops together, buying things that they didn’t need, and dragging each other through the crowd of people as they never let go of each other’s hand.
​            He would miss going out to eat at the few fancy restaurants that served too little for too much, sharing a stale street pretzel from a box, and going to their cafe for treats.
​            He would miss seeing him return from a long day with a hug and a soft kiss, as they would walk each other to bed knowing that they would get to have another day together.
​            He would miss what it once was. Maybe that is what crushed him the most. Maybe he always knew that they were not always meant to last, but he could never be the one to admit that to himself. Instead, he had to be shown in the worst way possible.
​            He was happy that a crowd of strangers took his side, and that Riley, someone who claimed to know him well, wasn’t going to let him be alone in this. However, they could not stop the endless possibilities that ran through his head.
​            Maybe I was too jealous. Maybe I was envious that he smiled for someone that wasn’t for me. Maybe I should’ve just stayed on the couch. Maybe I shouldn’t have even come. Maybe none of this would have happened if I had just stayed in bed all day. Even if it happened, I wouldn't have known, at least not right away. Maybe I-
​            “It wasn’t your fault for what CJ did to you,” Riley mentioned, as they looked out into the night that was once filled with sparkly fireworks that they had all missed watching.
​            “It wasn’t your fault, either. He shouldn’t have made you look like it was your fault for not noticing his feelings for you!”
​            Aiden heaved for a moment, as they wrapped their fingers around the cold railing.
​            “I-I hate that I feel this way! I hate that I am angry over someone like him! I hate the feeling that I wasted my time with him! He made me so happy, and yet all this time, I thought it was my fault that he stopped coming around or seemed disinterested in me!”
​            “You have every right to feel the way that you do.”
​            Aiden slowly unclenched his fingers from the railing as he looked over to Riley.
​            “You should feel angry! You should feel sad! You should feel betrayed for what he did! You are allowed to feel that way!”
​            Aiden blinked a few times, trying to process that Riley could be this expressive. They weren’t laughing, nor smiling widely at him. They were just as angry, just as empty, just as betrayed.
​            “Has this happened to you before?” Aiden quietly asked, as he looked at Riley while he placed his arms back onto the railing.
​            “I don’t want anyone to go through what I went through, so I do everything within my power to make sure I can protect those who fall victim to the same traitors.”
​            Aiden had a feeling he knew what they were saying, but he wasn’t completely sure. He wasn’t aware of Riley’s experiences, as they barely knew them at all. However, maybe now he could. Maybe they would meet again, whether on the street, at a show, at a coffee shop, or maybe another party. He could learn of their stories, their work, their friends, and maybe they would learn a little more about him, too. He didn’t want to thank CJ, but without him, maybe they would have never been given this chance.
​            “Thank you for standing up for me, Riley.” Aiden whispered, as they looked up to the sky with a tired smile. “Happy New Year.”

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Isabel Payne is an online university student through IU East. They have been writing short stories since they were a child. They enjoy entering contests such as these to be able to publish their written work into the world.

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