The New Year |
Issue 13
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Aiden woke up cold. The sheet and thick blanket that once protected him from the bitter cold, was now shoved off to the opposite side of the mattress, where his boyfriend had once laid beside him. His boyfriend, CJ, was no longer there.
The buzzing of CJ’s cellphone turned into a continuous ringing chime. Aiden cocked his head over to the hallway, which he could barely see through the bedroom door that had been left ajar. He listened as their slides smacked against the floor as he walked himself through their apartment. The ringing continued as the sliding glass door squeaked open, and was then swiftly shut. Aiden waited for what would be said, but at the distance that he laid, he knew he would not be able to hear a whisper. He clenched his eyes shut, heaved himself up from the indented pillow, and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He walked down the hallway, and immediately looked to the outdoor balcony. Aiden stood within the living room, which was just a few feet away from the balcony that connected to the kitchen. He could see CJ’s mouth moving every few seconds, when he wasn’t fully facing the tops of apartment complexes and the baby blue morning sky. However, even within the silent apartment, just feet away from the balcony, he could still barely hear what CJ was saying. It was as if they were speaking within the faintest of whispers, or some sort of code that Aiden could not decipher. The only thing that he could see was CJ’s smile. He wasn’t snickering, nor was he sneering. He was genuinely smiling as he listened to the other person on the phone. Aiden could see CJ’s mouth curve up as he held the phone right to his ear, and then open his mouth into an open-wide smile, as he responded to whatever was said to him by whoever was on the other side. It was as if that person could make him smile better than Aiden could. Aiden knew he should just lounge on the couch and turn on the television to flip through the channels that he didn’t pay for, in order to look patient enough for CJ’s return. However, he couldn’t help but wonder who he was talking to. He didn’t know who could possibly make him smile so much. He didn’t even remember the last time CJ had smiled like that. He could chop it up to a few months ago, when they were first going out with each other to small cafes, to walks in Central Park, and to a few bars well into the late night. It did not take long for them to initiate a relationship, and even more quickly, for CJ to move into Aiden’s apartment. Now, they had been together for almost half of a year, with tomorrow being their six month anniversary together. He could picture watching the fireworks sparkling against the coal black sky, him huddled up next to CJ, as he would extend his arm out just long enough to reach the middle of CJ’s back, while CJ would fully wrap his arm around Aiden for security. Just the two of them, together, on the balcony porch with two untouched champagne glasses resting on the railing. They would bring in their glasses, and drag each other to bed, as the fireworks continued to sprocket off. Aiden tiredly smiled at the envision, until he looked back up to see CJ now chuckling with his phone in hand. Aiden bit his lip, hoping to taste blood from a dried bottom lip rather than the feeling of boiling jealousy. He felt bad he couldn’t make CJ laugh like that. For a few months now, Aiden rarely saw CJ smile at him. He often seemed uninterested as he just swiped through his phone, not paying attention to what Aiden said, or snickered at his phone instead of another one of Aiden’s corny jokes. Considering that this was Aiden’s first ever relationship, with a man he had known had dated a few different people before him, he would endlessly wonder at what he was doing wrong, as he tiredly laid in an empty bed, waiting for when CJ would come home for the night. He would often awake to the bed still empty of the other presence, and Aiden did not want to even consider the thought that CJ did not come home at all. He tiredly sighed as he rubbed his hands over his greasy face, and walked towards the balcony door. Although it was only a few feet away, their distance felt impossible to reach. It was as if his joints tightened as he continued to look at the way CJ pressed his elbow into the railing, with his head in his hand, and the phone still in the other. Once he latched his hand onto the door handle, he wondered if even the pressure would alert CJ that someone else was there. Aiden stood there for a moment, his stance just a foot apart from where the door would unlock, but CJ did not turn around. That is what he dreaded, and yet, could not help but peer into the lives that were clearly not meant for him. Aiden held his breath, and lurched open the sliding door. The cold morning air swept in, almost pushing Aiden away from the balcony and back into bed where he felt he should have just stayed. Aiden watched as CJ spun around, as he fumbled his phone within his hand, which had somehow had a strong grip before Aiden’s presence materialized. Aiden curled up his fingers and held in his breath as he watched CJ latch onto his phone with both of his hands, and held it right to his mouth. “Hey, I’ve got to go,” CJ sputtered out, as he slowly looked over to Aiden, who was still standing in the doorway. “But, thank you for the invitation. We will see you tonight!” “An invitation?” Aiden questioned, as he began to genuinely smile. “Did you get another offer to model?” “Good morning to you, too…” CJ muttered, as he crossed his arms over his chest, with his phone still in hand. “Sorry, I just didn’t think you would be up already.” Aiden mentioned, as he finally stepped out onto the balcony and slid the door shut. “You have been working so much, I thought you would have wanted to sleep in.” CJ merely shrugged, as he looked back to the building he stared at before, as if it was more intriguing than Aiden’s surprise presence. “So,” Aiden started, as he stood next to CJ and pressed his elbows into the railing. “Who were you talking to, then?” “Oh, just another of my many friends. I met them at one of the shows I modeled for a few months ago.” CJ worked as a model. He didn’t tell Aiden much of his personal work, nor had he ever gone to any of his shows, as he was not a journalist, a photographer, nor even seemed worthy enough to witness the tall, short, curvy, thin, and thick glowy figures in colorful yet obscure outfits. However, when CJ’s lanky body hung over Aiden’s short stature, his hickory brown and flowy brown hair that he always dug his hands through, his light freckled cheeks that squeezed together whenever he snickered at Aiden’s bad jokes, he felt it always made up for when he didn’t see CJ in days. “They invited us to a New Year’s party that they are hosting at their apartment. It’s just a few blocks away from here.” Aiden looked away from watching the people who walked on the crowded sidewalk. They looked like the tiny freckles that rested on CJ’s cheeks. Us. “They want us both to come?” Aiden questioned as he pivoted his body away from the rail to face CJ. “You told them about me?” “Well,” CJ smiled, “I need someone to kiss once it strikes midnight!” CJ turned to mirror Aiden’s stance. He smiled as he narrowed his eyes upon Aiden, whose cheeks began to redden as he grinned. CJ turned and walked towards the sliding door, leaving Aiden within his dazed state. He didn’t answer Aiden’s question. He didn’t even know of this friend’s existence, and yet, this friend knew about him. How have I not known about their friendship before now? How does this friend know about me, but I don’t know anything about them? What has CJ told them about me? What does this friend think of me? How do they make him so happy? Is CJ happier with- “Are you going to stand out there all day?” CJ echoed through the hallway as he entered their bedroom. “I need someone to judge my outfit choices!” Aiden watched as CJ modeled various different outfits for the party that was hours away. From a thin white sweater that he worried would be stained by wine, to a thin black short sleeve shirt that he would regret the moment they walked out into the crisp morning, he decided upon a scarlet red long sleeve-shirt that slunk down over his hands with black tights. As Aiden looked through the closet that was stuffed with CJ’s sparkly, silky, and colorful clothes, Aiden pulled out a simple black turtleneck sweater. Aiden remembered that CJ found it to be cute when they first met. Aiden warmly smiled, and hoped that CJ still remembered that compliment. Instead of pulling each other through the crowd of obvious tourists who wandered, shady sellers who you tried to avoid eye contact with and the everyday New Yorker’s who walked head on with their coffee and bag in tow, Aiden shoved his drying hands into his sweatshirt pockets, wrapping his fingers and holding his own hands to prevent the crisp morning from further freezing his skin that it would create that weird burning sensation every time winter came around. The cars rushed past, blasting cold breeze as they jet by, honking their horns and cutting off other cars by pushing into their lanes. Aiden looked back and forth between the sidewalk that would soon be covered in confetti, and CJ, who walked just a single foot ahead of him. Aiden started to unravel his fingers from his hands that were bunched into fists. He wanted to reach out his dried, chapped and cold hand and intertwine his fingers in CJ’s, but there was already someone who was basically walking on CJ heels because they wouldn’t look up from their phone, and he knew that if he altered the arranged walking pattern, it would cause a collision of uttered annoyances, shoving into people’s boundaries, and just an overall mess that wasn’t worth letting the people in the peripheral know that they were together. This moment, apart, was not worth a grand gesture. He watched as CJ abruptly turned left to a shop, as the people from behind him immediately filled in his lack of a presence. He did not look back to see if Aiden was still following behind him. Aiden tried not to stop within the middle of the continuously moving crowd, and awkwardly shuffled and shoved in between the tired and grumpy morning people, as he muttered out the obligatory “sorry” and “excuse me.” He nearly tripped and fell flat onto the concrete as he wrestled his leg out from the crowd, but stood tall as he faced the small coffee shop. Once he pushed open the door, the small chime of a bell validating his presence, he was warmed by the fresh smell of buttered croissants and the strong scent of rich, dark coffee. He immediately spotted CJ’s tall stature, who started pulling off his maroon red puffer. Aiden let his hands fall out of his pockets as the oven’s heat warmed his dried out hands that still tingled and burned from the crisp morning. He walked up beside CJ, who seemed bored as he scrolled through his phone’s feed. They stood behind two girls who were happily chatting with the overly friendly cashier. The girls spouted out multiple different customizations to their orders, saying what they did and did not like, but there was not an ounce of sourness within their tone, in which, funny enough, they wanted two orders of their new lemon tea. The cashier nodded along to their requests, their smile never faltering. Aiden wondered if the cashier was just committing to her role as an employee, but their smile did not seem plastered on, because he noticed their direct eye contact and few snickers that slipped in between the girl's explanation over their specific orders. “My god, these girls must think they are the center of the universe,” CJ muttered as he looked up from his phone. He didn’t look down to Aiden to seek his validation, but Aiden was glad that he didn’t. Aiden clenched his eyes shut, and tightened his hands into fist as they continued to buzz. Aiden hoped that the girls rambling, the grinding of the coffee beans, or even the outside world of the shoes against the concrete and the blaring car horns, tuned out what CJ had said. He hoped that he was the only one who heard him, even though he wished he hadn’t. Why does he always do this? What does he get from seeking validation for his meaningless complaints? Yeah, these girls are taking up a little more time than needed, but we aren’t in dire need of overpriced coffee and dried pastries. “I’ll go find us a table…” Aiden mustered out, as he swiftly slided past CJ. He didn’t wait for CJ to say what table he wanted, or to say what he wanted from the menu. He knew to grab the second booth, not the first booth closest to the register and the bathroom that had toilet paper all over the floor, nor the third booth that was closest to the door that was banged as people bumped into it. He knew CJ would grab him a chocolate croissant, as although he did not always care for the flaky and dry bread, he liked the little bits of dried chocolate filled within the dough, and that CJ would grab himself a blueberry scone with a latte. Aiden walked over muffin crumbs and the paper wrappers from the plastic straws. They squished into his shoes that he should have had the decency to pick up, but he figured it could be his consequence for not addressing CJ’s rude comment, or for not defending the talkative girls, or for interrupting CJ’s conversation this morning, or for feeling the slight tinge of jealousy that he couldn’t make CJ smile like the friend on the phone. The crumbs that dug into his shoes could make up for many things that he didn’t take care of. However, it never helped; he knew the regret would stick with him so long as he kept his mouth shut. “Is this seat taken?” Aiden looked up to see CJ smiling, as he stood with two pastries covered by napkins. The sticky feeling faded to a warm glow within his cheeks. Even after months, he couldn’t help but blush when CJ did that; he did that every now and then. Aiden wondered if he did that just to get a reaction out of him. However, the reaction would always be the same. He remembered being at this shop, sitting in the same exact booth, picking apart a chocolate croissant into flakey pieces, when CJ approached him wearing a simple royal blue buttoned-up shirt and black dress pants, holding a blueberry scone in his left hand, a latte in his right hand, and a grin that scrunched up his freckled cheeks. The coffee shop wasn’t busy, as there were multiple tables available. However, after staring at him for a few moments, wondering if he was talking to someone else, Aiden slowly nodded. After a few moments of silence and Aiden trying to repress the need to comment how they liked this stranger’s wide grin, they asked for their name. They quickly dove into talking about their favorite movies, their childhood pets, and their favorite place in New York. They sat with each other for hours, naturally shifting into topic after topic without a moment of tense silence, laughing at their bad jokes, sitting together as if they were old friends catching up after so much time had passed between the two of them. As they walked out into the busy sidewalk, he mentioned that he liked Aiden’s turtleneck sweater, and walked the opposite way, leaving Aiden in daze. That was just the start. “That’s never going to get old,” CJ snickered, as he slid into the booth. Aiden grinned as he dug his fingers into the table, anticipating the itty, bitty bits of chocolate that complimented the buttery, flakey dough. However, once CJ slid the pastry across the table, and Aiden unwrapped the rough napkin from the pastry, he noticed that the croissant’s moon shape was swirled into a rounded bun, the flakes were hardened, and the light chocolate sprinkles were replaced with a slather of gooey honey. “Um,” Aiden muttered, as he let his hands slink off the table and fall into his lap. “Did they give you the wrong order? Was this for one of the girls who were in front of us?” CJ had placed his elbows onto the table, as he held his phone within both of his hands. He kept his eyes on his phone for a moment, before he peered over to Aiden. His unimpressed gaze from the phone did not falter when he looked directly at the bun that was displayed by the napkins. “Uh, no? What are you talking about?” CJ questioned as he lowered his phone to the table. “I always get you a honey bun!” Aiden looked back and forth between the sweetened bread and CJ’s raised eyebrows of confusion. Two very different things. “When? I have never eaten a honey bun!” Aiden expressed, as he slightly narrowed his eyes on CJ. “You know I always get the chocolate croissants!” Now CJ looked back and forth between the glazed bread and Aiden’s narrowed eyes of annoyance. Two very different things, only not really. CJ then looked up to Aiden one final time before his eyes enlarged, and snorted out a laugh. “Sorry, I guess I just have Riley on the brain,” CJ lightly chuckled, as he wrapped his fingers into his palm and pressed his knuckled hand to his lips, as if he was trying to cover up his smile. The scrunch of his freckled cheeks already gave him away, yet Aiden didn’t find it very cute this time. “What does that mean?” Aiden persisted, as he could feel the annoyance redden his burning hands and bubble within his empty stomach. “Who is Riley” “Riley, the friend I was talking to on the phone to this morning before you interrupted us.” CJ shrugged, letting his laughter die as he looked down to the table. “They always get a honey bun whenever we come here together.” Aiden's eyes widened, as his fingers felt the cold, hardened couch cushion he sat upon. “Jealous, much?” CJ peered up from looking at the table. Aiden stiffened in his posture, as his arms stiffened his back from slipping under the table to never be seen again. “No! No, not at all! I just-“ Aiden stretched out his arms to CJ, but his throat dried up from the lack of needed words. His lips stiffened together, as he let his hands retract and plop into his lap. “Sorry. I’m sorry,” Aiden muttered, as he looked to the carpeted floor that was filled with specks of dough and had dried up spills of hot coffee. He clenched his eyes shut as he tiredly looked at CJ. “I didn’t know that you two were so close, but I'm glad that someone makes you this happy. I’m really glad that they are willing to invite me to their party. I-I can’t wait to get to know them just as much as you do.” “Yeah, well,” CJ muttered, as he looked at the empty tables that stood across from where they sat together. “I am sure they will love to get to know you, too.” Aiden’s weary smile started to falter until he noticed the cashier walk towards them. “Latte for CJ?” Her perky voice crinkled within their stiffened tension. Aiden continued to smile as CJ took the cup out from the cashier’s hand. They took a quick sip, concealing their face with the cup, but when he brought the cup away from his lips, he somehow seemed even more drained. “Ready to eat?” Aiden widely smiled, trying to imitate the cashier’s fixated enthusiasm. “You’re going to eat something that you just made a huge fuss over?” Aiden finally let the wide smile fall as he slightly frowned. He lowered his eyes to the table to allow his boyfriend to stare at him without feeling awkward. It was Aiden’s turn to feel that way. “Meaningless complaints?” Yet, here I am, throwing a fit over a piece of dough! Why did I even say anything? I could’ve at least tried the sticky bun before I threw a fit! I could’ve pretended to like the sweetness!…I wonder why Riley likes honey buns? Are they as sweet as the honey tastes? They must be, otherwise why would CJ hang out with them? “Let’s just go,” CJ muttered, as he swiftly slid out of the seat. Aiden didn’t look up, but watched as CJ’s shadow loomed over the table to grab his cup. CJ quickly snatched up his wrapped pastry that he hadn’t bothered to check to see if he ordered correctly, as he could have ordered two honey buns by mistake. At least if he did, he would happily give them to Riley. All Aiden knew about Riley was that they met CJ through work, they made CJ snicker and smile and forget about everything else in the world, and that they liked honey buns. Maybe CJ deserves someone like Riley. Maybe they should be together. |
Isabel Payne is an online university student through IU East. They have been writing short stories since they were a child. They enjoy entering contests such as these to be able to publish their written work into the world.
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