Shhhh​

Issue 12

i tremble into existence / paint white lies red / adopt whatever personality you’ve given me today
befriend these little demons of mine / it’s playtime
| if i cannot endure my own loneliness |
| then at least let me ease another’s |
you are moth born / i am the flame at fault
this waning is not natural \ we are not a blood moon
i do not revel at all this red \ i don’t take lightly to how
you are draining me
torn ligaments of a question mark / i lie / shallow breaths
 
i’m doing everything they say you should \ but all i hear is static
we are a makeshift grenade / in a stick shift car \ i never learnt how to drive
we are not in orbit \ we are not being held together by circling one another
we are a collision that has / already happened / is happening / will happen
| call it what you want | but i haven’t felt a thing for weeks |
crevassing into splinters of the mind / this pain is so wide \ but this crack is so narrow
 
i go blue for days / quiver at the sight of red and
try to abandon my anger \ only to find it is still there where i left it
i am one of those cavers / that have wandered too far off path
when does exploration turn to survival /
when does curiosity turn to casualties
| how much can i endure of your loneliness
before i am merged with you? |
at what point can i stop calling this okay / and start calling it abuse
 
i would
/ take a pickaxe to the wall of this mine / to what is mine /
\ even if it collapses / even if i collapse inside it \
/ i can quit any day now / i can leave anytime i want /
/ i can quite any day now \
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how does the body live on after the heart has died?
how do i learn to stop loving someone?

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Doné de Beer is a Namibian born writer living in Melbourne. She is a writer of many forms, dabbling in screenplays, poetry and novels. She writes to illuminate parts of herself she wasn’t aware of, and to comfort others in their pain and loneliness. 

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